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Shadow Work Series #6 - Ego Is the GPS—Not the Driver

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  Let’s clear something up: your ego isn’t the enemy. The ego gets a bad rap in spiritual spaces. People act like it's some evil twin you have to silence or “kill off” to become enlightened. But here’s the truth—your ego isn’t bad. It’s just not supposed to be driving the damn car. Your ego, at its core is simply the outline of who you are as an individual being in a universe of countless other beings, all connected on an energetic, societal, cultural and familial level, but still separate. It was built to illustrate both your similarities with others and your differences and what you bring to the story. Not everyone has the same role. It was also built to keep you safe, to define boundaries. But safe isn’t always aligned. And it’s definitely not always true. Your ego is the internal GPS programmed by your past experiences, traumas, and social conditioning. It tells you how to survive, how to avoid rejection, how to stay comfortable. But left unchecked, it’ll reroute you away...
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Shadow Work Series #5 - This Isn’t a Solo Journey — Why Community Matters in Shadow Work

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  Shadow work is personal, sure. But it was never meant to be solitary. Yes, your healing is your responsibility. Yes, the inner work can feel deeply individual. But if you try to do it all in a vacuum, you’ll miss one of the most healing, grounding, reality-checking tools available to you: community. “You don’t fully see your shadow until it’s reflected back to you in relationship.” The Myth of the Lone Wolf Healer There’s a romanticized image of the lone mystic, burning sage in the forest, unraveling their soul in silence. It’s powerful. It’s poetic. But it’s also half the truth. Shadow work doesn’t stop at self-reflection—it continues in how you relate to others. You can journal and meditate all you want, but your biggest growth moments often come when someone else pushes your buttons, calls you out, or simply mirrors your old patterns back to you. Community Doesn’t Mean Codependency This isn’t about relying on others to validate you or do the work for you. It’s about b...
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Shadow Work Series #4 - Integration Isn’t a Glow-Up. It’s a Reckoning.

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  There’s this myth floating around that doing your shadow work leads to some shiny transformation moment where you suddenly radiate peace, your skin clears, and you start speaking in affirmations and lighting ethically sourced incense. Nope. Integration is not a glow-up. It’s a reckoning. “You don’t become your highest self by skipping over your mess. You get there by sitting in it, owning it, and making different choices.” Integration means taking the insights from your shadow work and applying them in real life. It’s not just realizing you people-please to avoid conflict, it’s actively learning to disappoint others so you can stop abandoning yourself. That’s not cute. That’s gritty, awkward, and often lonely. What Integration *Really* Looks Like: - Telling someone “no” and then sitting with the guilt instead of fixing it - Not reacting immediately when triggered. It’s pausing, breathing, checking in - Admitting you messed up without spiraling into shame - Choosing a ...
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Shadow Work Series #3 - What Are You Projecting Onto Everyone Else?

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  Here’s the uncomfortable truth about shadow work: a lot of what you can’t stand in others is actually unresolved stuff in *you*. Projection isn’t just a psychological term. It’s one of the loudest red flags your shadow can wave. That over-the-top judgment you feel toward someone? That disproportionate reaction? That random person who makes your skin crawl for no logical reason? Chances are, you’re looking into a mirror. “If it’s hysterical, it’s probably historical.” Shadow work means you stop assuming everyone else is the problem. It means you ask, “What part of me is being poked right now?” instead of immediately writing someone off as toxic, narcissistic, or annoying. Common Signs of Projection: - You feel deeply triggered by someone’s behavior, but can’t explain why - You judge people for traits you secretly suppress in yourself - You blame others for outcomes you quietly fear are your fault - You villainize someone without really knowing them We all do it. But on...
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Shadow Work Series #2 - Compassion vs. Excuses – When Empathy Turns Into Enabling

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  Let’s talk about one of the trickiest traps in the healing world: mistaking compassion for a get-out-of-accountability-free card. Shadow work means having compassion for your wound, but not weaponizing them. It means being gentle with yourself without turning a blind eye to the ways you avoid growth. And it means spotting the difference between true empathy and enabling your own (or someone else’s) BS. Here’s the deal: you can love yourself *and* call yourself out. That’s not cruelty. That’s integrity. “Compassion says, ‘I see why you did that.’ Accountability says, ‘But we’re not doing that anymore.’ Both are sacred.” It's imperative to recognize that sometimes we did things to survive because our options were limited. Sometimes we made choices we’re not proud of because we didn’t know there were better ones, or we hadn’t yet grasped the consequences. That is part of being human. However, as we grow in experiences, our list of options changes and expands, and we know b...
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Shadow Work Series #1 - Shadow Work Isn’t a Vibe

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  -           Let’s get one thing straight right now: shadow work isn’t a mood, an aesthetic, or a dramatic photo shoot with candles and smeared eyeliner. It’s not an excuse to post cryptic quotes and spiral in public. And it’s definitely not a spiritual free pass to be a hot mess while calling it “doing the work.” Shadow work is about radical ownership. Not self-indulgence. Not ego fluff. Ownership. When we talk about the “shadow,” we’re talking about the parts of you that got pushed underground, usually when you were too young or too scared to process them. Shame, fear, insecurity, jealousy, control, judgment, people-pleasing, rage. These are all shadowy residents of the psyche, and they don’t stay buried just because you ignore them. They leak. They project. They sabotage. Shadow work is the process of coaxing that stuff into the light, not to banish it, but to integrate it. You’re not trying to “kill your ego” or “slay your sha...
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New Beginnings, Series Writing, and What’s Ahead for Blackbird Diaries

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  After a stretch of deep work behind the scenes, I’m thrilled to be back at the helm of Blackbird Diaries . You’ll start seeing regular blog updates again, some as stand-alone reflections and others as part of ongoing series. I’ve been holding a lot in the creative cauldron, and now it’s time to start pouring it out. What to Expect: Series + Standalone Posts Several posts will be published in series form, each one clearly titled to reflect which series it belongs to and its order in the lineup. These are designed to walk you through a bigger theme or concept one step at a time as bite-sized pieces that add up to deeper insight. You’ll still see occasional one-off posts as well, for the moments that don’t need a full series but still deserve a voice. Every post that’s part of a series is also being recorded for the Blackbird Diaries podcast. But I know many of you prefer to read, reflect, and revisit ideas in writing, so I didn’t want to make you wait. The written versions will...
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