Shadow Work Series #3 - What Are You Projecting Onto Everyone Else?

 

Here’s the uncomfortable truth about shadow work: a lot of what you can’t stand in others is actually unresolved stuff in *you*.

Projection isn’t just a psychological term. It’s one of the loudest red flags your shadow can wave. That over-the-top judgment you feel toward someone? That disproportionate reaction? That random person who makes your skin crawl for no logical reason? Chances are, you’re looking into a mirror.

“If it’s hysterical, it’s probably historical.”

Shadow work means you stop assuming everyone else is the problem. It means you ask, “What part of me is being poked right now?” instead of immediately writing someone off as toxic, narcissistic, or annoying.

Common Signs of Projection:
- You feel deeply triggered by someone’s behavior, but can’t explain why
- You judge people for traits you secretly suppress in yourself
- You blame others for outcomes you quietly fear are your fault
- You villainize someone without really knowing them

We all do it. But once you *see* it, you’re responsible for what you do with it.

Why Projection Happens:
Your shadow is full of parts of you that were once unsafe to express. So instead of acknowledging them, you cast them out and pretend they belong to other people. It's a defense mechanism. It helps you avoid discomfort, but it also keeps you disconnected from your truth.

When you own your projections, you take back your power. You stop playing the victim in your own story. You start healing the source instead of attacking the symptoms.

Try This:
- The next time someone irritates you, ask: “What does this say about me?”
- Reflect on a quality you harshly judge. Then ask yourself: “Where do I carry this too?”
- When you feel yourself spiraling about someone’s behavior, pause. What wound might be echoing?

Be discerning. One of the hardest parts of Shadow Work is telling the difference between three basic reasons for your negative reactions. First, Projection where we recognize or own behavior in another. Second, Reaction where we recognize behaviors that caused our initial trauma and shadowing, and third is Invasion, recognizing someone attempting to violate our own boundaries and that need to enforce them. This third one is tricky (as if all of this isn’t). Setting healthy boundaries is a huge step in healing. At first there is that urge to defend them. Further on in healing, it is less necessary to defend and becomes second nature to trust that they will stand. This is the stage where the behavior of others is either no longer triggering, or evokes a detached sense of compassion, if warranted.

Shadow work isn’t about turning every experience inward until you’re stuck in self-blame. It’s about getting curious. Projections are invitations. If you answer them, they’ll show you where your next level of healing is hiding.

Coming next: **Integration Isn’t a Glow-Up. It’s a Reckoning.**