Energetic Hygiene #3 - Shielding Without Hiding: Protecting Without Disappearing

 

Shielding isn’t about building walls or cutting yourself off from the world. Instead, it’s about learning how to engage with life and others while still honoring your own energy. Imagine being able to walk into a crowded room, feel the buzz of activity, but remain centered and grounded. When shielding is done with intention, it allows you to stay present, compassionate, and authentic without taking on what doesn’t belong to you.

Setting energetic boundaries is a form of self-respect. It’s a way of saying yes to your own well-being, and no to patterns that leave you drained or overwhelmed. Rather than disappearing or becoming invisible, you learn to filter out what isn’t yours while staying visible and available for true connection. This approach invites more freedom in your relationships because you interact from a place of wholeness, rather than defensiveness.

Think of energetic shielding as cultivating clarity, not building armor. It’s not about shutting down, avoiding people, or “ghosting” situations that challenge you. Instead, it’s about knowing what’s yours to carry and what can be released. This clarity allows you to respond rather than react, maintaining your own emotional and energetic integrity even in difficult environments.

To practice effective shielding, try simple daily techniques like visualization, mindful breathing, and setting intentions before you enter challenging spaces. Imagine a gentle, flexible bubble of light surrounding you, filtering out what doesn’t serve your highest good. Regularly check in with yourself and reset if you notice you’re feeling overloaded. These small rituals help you maintain your energetic hygiene and prevent burnout.

Use journal prompts to explore your patterns. Ask yourself: Where am I giving away my energy out of habit? How can I show up fully without leaking my vitality? What does healthy, flexible protection feel like in my body and mind? These reflections can uncover old beliefs and help you create new, empowering habits.

Remember, you are allowed to protect your energetic field. This isn’t selfish or cold—it's an act of self-love and wisdom. Being present and available doesn’t mean absorbing everything around you. You can stand strong in your own energy, offer genuine support to others, and still return to your center, refreshed and whole.

 

It’s the difference between empathy and absorption. You’re still you, still aware, still compassionate—you’re just not taking everyone’s stuff home with you.

Too many intuitives equate protection with invisibility. They disappear into hypervigilance, social avoidance, or total shutdown. That’s not shielding—that’s fear.

Real protection is dynamic. It moves with you. It adapts. It filters.

It says:
- “I’m here, but I’m not absorbing.”
- “I can hold space without leaking my life force.”
- “I don’t have to leave my body to survive this interaction.”

Shielding is permission to stay in your power.

It’s not about hiding—it’s about *honoring* your energy by being intentional with it.

Energetic Hygiene #2 - Clearing Isn’t a Trend—It’s a Responsibility

 

Sage smoke, sound bowls, aura sprays: these are beautiful and supportive tools. Yet, true energetic clearing reaches far beyond what sits on your “vibe shelf.” It’s not just about chasing away bad vibes with ritual; it’s a daily practice of awareness and self-care that asks you to check in with what you’re carrying, often without realizing it.

Clearing is less about the act of smudging after a rough conversation and more about the ongoing responsibility of energetic self-maintenance. Think of it as taking honest inventory: What’s weighing you down right now that might not even be yours? Maybe it’s a friend’s frustration that lingered after a phone call, the subtle anxiety you picked up from crowded public transit, or the exhaustion that crept in after doomscrolling late at night. Even scrolling through social media can leave you with energetic “dust”, the residue of opinions, moods, and projections that aren’t yours, but still stick to you.

If you don’t clear consciously and regularly, your energy field becomes like a cluttered room. Imagine trying to focus in a space full of old boxes, random objects, and leftover mess from other people’s lives. It’s tough to relax, hard to think straight, and eventually you start to feel weighed down not even knowing why. Clearing is what opens up that room again, creates spaciousness, and lets you breathe more deeply in your own presence.

Energetic clearing is as essential as brushing your teeth or washing your hands. It’s your psychic shower, a way of telling your entire system, “We’re not going to carry everyone else’s stress today.” For instance, after facilitating a group meeting, notice if you feel unusually drained. That’s a cue to clear: close your eyes, take a few conscious breaths, or even shake out your hands and set the intention to release what doesn’t belong to you. It doesn’t have to be elaborate. Sometimes, simply stepping outside for a few deep breaths or imagining a shower of light washing over you is enough.

You also don’t have to wait until you’re totally overwhelmed, or things feel chaotic. Clearing can be as simple as checking in with yourself after a stressful email or pausing between tasks to ask, “Does my energy feel off, heavy, or foggy?” If the answer is yes, take action: stretch, breathe, move, or visualize energy leaving your field.

Ultimately, clearing is an act of respect for your body, your energy, and your capacity to show up clearly and fully in the world. You wouldn’t walk around in yesterday’s clothes forever, so why carry yesterday’s or someone else’s energetic residue? Make energetic hygiene a non-negotiable part of your self-care routine, and notice what shifts for you: more focus, more ease, and a lighter sense of being at home in yourself. Remember, every step you take to clear your field is an act of self-respect and empowerment. Trust that you have the ability to create space for your own energy to thrive, one mindful moment at a time.

Energetic Hygiene #1 - Grounding Is More Than Touching Grass

 

Let’s start at the root, literally. And I know the phrase “Touch grass” gets used a lot in lieu of “Chill” or “Get a grip” for those of us from an older generation, but the phrase does have some bearing in reality. It’s about Grounding.

When people talk about grounding, it's easy to picture someone standing barefoot on a patch of grass, soaking up the earth’s energy. While connecting with nature is a wonderful starting point, grounding goes much deeper, it’s about cultivating a stable, present awareness in your day-to-day life. Grounding means reconnecting with your body, your breath, and the present moment, especially whenever life feels chaotic or overwhelming.

Practical grounding doesn’t always require a trip outdoors. You can ground yourself by taking a few slow, intentional breaths, feeling the weight of your body in a chair, or focusing on the sensation of your hands as you wash them under cold water. Movement, whether it’s a brisk walk, gentle stretching, or even dancing in your living room can quickly bring you back into your body. Sensory resets, like savoring the taste of a warm drink or noticing the texture of an object, also help anchor your awareness.

The benefits of grounding ripple into every aspect of daily life. When you’re grounded, it’s easier to make clear decisions, handle stress, and communicate authentically with others. You’re less likely to get caught in spirals of anxiety, distraction, or emotional depletion. Grounding creates a sense of inner power, helping you feel centered and resilient even when challenges arise.

For those on a spiritual path, grounding is absolutely essential. It serves as the foundation for any kind of energetic or intuitive work, ensuring that insights and experiences are integrated safely and effectively. Without grounding, spiritual practices can feel unmoored or overwhelming. By staying rooted in your body and the present, you create a stable container for your magic to unfold, allowing intuition, creativity, and spiritual growth to flourish in a healthy way.

Try experimenting with different grounding practices throughout your day: pause for a breath before a big meeting, take a short walk after lunch, or spend a few minutes journaling about your current emotions. Notice how these small shifts support your overall well-being and deepen your sense of connection to yourself, to others, and to the world around you.

Grounding isn’t just about standing barefoot on the earth and pretending all your problems will melt away. That’s cute, but real grounding goes deeper.

Grounding is about coming *back* into your body when your nervous system is fried, your soul is floating five feet above your head, and your energy’s been scattered into 16 different timelines. It’s the reset button when life yanks you out of center.

Sometimes it *is* standing in the dirt. Sometimes it’s breathwork, or cold water, or naming five things in the room. Sometimes it’s canceling plans, turning off your phone, and eating real food.

Grounding is the opposite of bypassing. It’s not about escaping the moment and it’s about getting rooted *in* it.

And no, you don’t have to be outside in nature every time you need to get grounded. Your body is nature. Bring yourself home to it.

Because the more grounded you are, the less the chaos around you can throw you off your center.

Authenticity Detox #7 - The Integration Hangover—Living Your Truth Without Burning It All Down

 

You’ve done the work. You’ve unearthed the truth. You’ve stripped back the performance, reclaimed your voice, and started showing up as who you actually are.

Sometimes, after a rush of clarity or a breakthrough, there comes a period that feels unexpectedly difficult, the integration hangover. It’s that peculiar aftermath when you’ve made bold steps toward honesty with yourself and others, only to find the world doesn’t instantly adjust to your new alignment. You’ve spoken up, set the boundary, quit the role, or let your true colors show, and yet daily life continues with its complexities and obligations. The exhilaration of transformation gives way to a sense of fatigue, confusion, and uncertainty, as if your psyche needs to catch up with your actions.

In these moments, it’s easy to wonder if you’ve gone too far or exposed too much. Perhaps you fear you’ve overcorrected, risking relationships or stability for the sake of truth. The reality is, integration is rarely a neat process. It involves reconciling the parts of yourself that have been hiding, negotiating with old patterns, and learning how to show up authentically without disregarding the needs and boundaries of others.

If you feel a bit lost in this process, know you are not alone. The hangover is not a sign that you’ve failed, but rather a marker of growth’s inherent awkwardness. As you recalibrate, you may notice people close to you reacting strongly, whether with discomfort, admiration, or resistance. Your truth can be both liberating and disruptive, not only to yourself but to the systems and relationships in which you participate.

The real work, then, is in practicing patience. Instead of rushing to resolve the tension, allow yourself time to settle into your new reality. Give space for emotions to surface and pass, for conversations to unfold, and for others to adjust. Integration asks for humility, the willingness to let things take their course, to admit when you don’t have all the answers, and to remain curious about what comes next.

It can help to focus on small, sustainable practices, such as regular self-reflection, gentle communication, and mindful decision-making. These habits keep you grounded as you navigate the unpredictable terrain of authenticity. Remember that living your truth is not a one-time event but a process of continual adjustment. Each day presents opportunities to refine, learn, and grow.

Most importantly, don’t forget the importance of support. Seek out those who can hold space for your evolution, whether friends, mentors, or communities. Sharing your experience can lighten the emotional load and offer new perspectives. Sometimes, simply hearing that others have walked similar paths is enough to restore your confidence and sense of belonging.

As you move through this phase, trust that the discomfort is temporary. Over time, the rawness subsides and is replaced by a quieter, more steady sense of alignment. You will find ways to live your truth without sacrificing compassion, and you’ll discover that authenticity does not require destruction but, rather, an ongoing commitment to honesty and care.

So if today feels messy, remember it’s all part of the process. Your integration hangover is evidence that the work matters. Stay present, stay gentle, and let your truth settle into your bones.

So why does it feel like everything’s falling apart?

Welcome to the integration hangover.

 “Becoming your true self isn’t a glow-up, it’s a system disruption.”

Why the Fallout Happens
When you stop pretending, people who liked the mask may get uncomfortable. When you speak your truth, those who benefited from your silence might bristle. When you choose your integrity, it might cost you relationships, roles, or routines.

That’s not failure. That’s feedback. You’re not burning your life down—you’re letting the parts that can’t hold your truth fall away.

It’s Not Regression, It’s Realignment
The chaos that sometimes follows an authenticity breakthrough isn’t a sign to retreat. It’s a sign that your life is recalibrating to meet the new version of you.

Integration isn’t just about clarity. It’s about capacity. It’s how you hold your truth in the messy, real-world spaces where not everyone’s ready for it.

The Temptation to Backslide
In the face of pushback, it’s tempting to shrink. To put the mask back on. To say, “Never mind, I didn’t mean it.” But you *did* mean it. And that truth still matters, even if not everyone can meet it.

You don’t owe anyone a performance. But you do owe yourself consistency.

Try This:
- Anchor your truth: write down 3 core truths you’ve reclaimed—keep them visible
- When doubt creeps in, ask: “Am I actually unsafe—or just unfamiliar with being this honest?”
- Surround yourself with people who don’t need you to shrink to be loved

Integration isn’t tidy. But it is sacred. And the life that’s waiting on the other side? It’s built on truth you can actually stand in.

That’s the detox. That’s the return. And it’s just the beginning.

If you enjoyed this series or any posts on the Blackbird Diaries blog, feel free to share with others. And you can message me with questions or leave a comment here. And if you are interested in doing some deeper work, reach out. You can find me at raven@eldertreecoaching.com and we'll discuss sessions or a program that works for you. If you have a topic you'd like to see covered in the blog and/or podcast, drop a note to raven@blackbirddiaries.com. 

Wishing you all the best, and a raucous sense of humor for when things go stupid. You got this.

Raven

 

Authenticity Detox #6 - The Intimacy Gap: Why Being Seen Feels So Damn Scary

 

Let’s get uncomfortable. You’ve been doing the work. You’re shedding layers, dropping masks, and getting real. But when it’s time to actually let someone see the real you, something shifts, panic sets in, a vulnerability hangover takes over, and suddenly you’re gripped by the urge to run.

“Being authentic doesn’t mean being fearless, it means being real, even when it’s terrifying.”

Why We Freeze at the Threshold

Authenticity requires intimacy, and intimacy is built on risk, the risk of rejection, judgment, or abandonment. For many of us, those risks aren’t just hypothetical. They have become muscle memory, shaped by years of experiences and relationships.

It’s one thing to accept yourself privately, maybe in a journal entry as your thoughts flow freely. It’s another to show up, raw and unrehearsed, in front of someone else and allow your real self to stand in the open.

We want to be seen, but we also want to be safe. Sometimes those two fundamental needs pull us in opposite directions, causing hesitation, doubt, and tension.

The Armor of Pretending

When you’ve spent years people-pleasing, adapting yourself to fit expectations, code-switching, or curating your personality for approval, authenticity can feel dangerously exposing. You might catch yourself sabotaging relationships, withholding your truth, or bracing for an impact that may never come.

This isn’t failure. It’s your internal protection system kicking in. These defenses are built over time, designed to shield you from pain, rejection, or disappointment. They served a purpose, but now, as you strive for genuine connection, they may hold you back.

Building Capacity for Realness

You don’t have to bulldoze your defenses. Instead, become curious about them. Ask yourself what these protective mechanisms are trying to keep you safe from. Real intimacy grows in slow, intentional spaces where trust is earned, where feedback is kind, and where your nervous system has space to breathe without screaming at you to shut down.

True intimacy flourishes over time. It’s cultivated where trust is built, where gentle feedback is offered, where you can begin to lower your guard and let your true self emerge, bit by bit.

Try This:

·         Notice when you’re tempted to hide, then pause. Ask, “What am I afraid will happen if I’m fully seen here?” This simple question can illuminate patterns and fears you didn’t know you had.

·         Practice micro-authenticity: reveal a little more than you usually would, but only with safe people who have earned your trust. Gradually, this builds your capacity for openness without overwhelming your sense of safety.

·         Journal or voice record a moment when you felt truly seen and pay attention to how your body reacted. What physical sensations did you experience? How did your breath, posture, or energy shift?

You don’t have to be fearless to be real. You just have to be willing to show up even if your hands are trembling or your voice shakes. Courage is not the absence of fear, but the willingness to step forward in spite of it.

Coming next: **The Integration Hangover—Living Your Truth Without Burning It All Down**

Authenticity Detox #5 - Spiritual Burnout: When Authenticity Feels Exhausting

Here’s something nobody warns you about on the spiritual path: sometimes authenticity gets exhausting.

All that inner work. All that shadow excavation. All that peeling back of old masks. You think the more “authentic” you become, the more energized you’ll feel. But what happens when the opposite shows up?

What if your authenticity journey starts to feel like spiritual burnout?

 “You’re not tired because you’re failing. You’re tired because healing takes energy and you’ve been doing the work.”

Why You’re Exhausted
Being fake is draining, yes.

In today’s world, the call to “be authentic” rings louder than ever, reverberating through social media feeds and echoing in everyday conversations. We are urged to bare our souls, to inhabit our truth unapologetically, and to let our inner selves shine. Yet, paradoxically, this relentless pursuit of authenticity can bring not freedom, but fatigue, a unique exhaustion rooted deep within the spirit.

Spiritual burnout emerges when the quest for genuine self-expression collides with the daily grind, social expectations, and our own internal standards. For many, the journey begins with a rush of clarity and purpose, a sense of liberation as old masks are shed. But soon, maintaining this level of openness and honesty can feel like carrying a weight, one that grows heavier with every vulnerable conversation and every moment of self-reflection.

This exhaustion is not simply tiredness, but a weariness woven through the soul. It manifests as a loss of passion for practices that once brought joy, a detachment from communities that once felt supportive, and a creeping doubt about one’s path. Instead of feeling empowered by authenticity, we may find ourselves questioning if it’s all too much: too exposing, too demanding, too isolating.

Why does this happen? The answer is multifaceted. Authenticity, when misunderstood, can become a performance rather than a practice, a set of expectations we place on ourselves. We might feel compelled to share everything, to constantly process and present our innermost thoughts, and to never hide behind a polite smile or a simple “I’m fine.” In truth, authentic living is not about radical transparency at all times. It is about discernment, knowing when to reveal and when to retreat, when to speak and when to hold silence.

To heal from spiritual burnout, it’s essential to revisit our understanding of authenticity. Consider embracing these gentle remedies:

·         Allow Yourself to be Incomplete: Authenticity is a journey, not a destination. Permit yourself to grow slowly, to change your mind, and to honor the parts of yourself that are still unfolding.

·         Create Safe Spaces for Vulnerability: Seek out relationships and communities where your true self is welcomed, but not demanded. True connection flourishes in environments where honesty is met with compassion, not judgment.

·         Practice Restorative Silence: Silence is not the enemy of authenticity. Sometimes, the most honest thing we can do is to retreat inward, to rest, and to nurture ourselves quietly.

·         Set Boundaries Around Sharing: Not every truth needs to be spoken at every moment. Trust your instincts about when to share and when to safeguard your experiences.

·         Reconnect with Joyful Practices: Return to activities that replenish your spirit, whether that’s meditation, art, movement, or time in nature. Remember that authenticity is not just about struggle; it’s also about ease and delight.

Ultimately, spiritual burnout teaches us the necessity of balance. To be authentic is to be whole, which includes honoring our need for privacy, rest, and gentleness. Let authenticity be a light that guides, not a torch that burns. Embrace the paradox: sometimes, the truest thing you can do is to simply be, without explanation or expectation.

In the end, your spirit will thank you for the space to breathe, the freedom to choose, and the wisdom to know that authenticity is both a gift and a gentle invitation to return home to yourself.

But so is being constantly hyper-aware of your triggers, boundaries, trauma patterns, spiritual hygiene, and emotional regulation.

You’re not just showing up as your real self. You’re monitoring how real you’re allowed to be in every space you walk into. That takes a toll.

Signs of Spiritual Burnout:
- Feeling numb where you used to feel curious
- Avoiding your practices because they feel like homework
- Feeling like you’re “doing authenticity wrong” if you have bad days

Sometimes the exhaustion comes from trying to “stay real” in environments that still reward performative bullshit. You’re not broken. You’re just tired of swimming upstream.

Permission to Rest
You don’t have to be deeply self-aware 24/7 to be authentic. You’re allowed to rest. You’re allowed to coast. You’re allowed to have days where your only spiritual practice is *not snapping at anyone* before your first coffee.

Try This:
- Take a break from “working on yourself” and just *be*
- Revisit the practices that once felt like joy, not obligation
- Talk to your shadow: “What would rest look like for you right now?”

Burnout doesn’t mean you’re off path. It means your body is asking for balance. And real authenticity includes honoring your need to pause.

Coming next: **The Intimacy Gap—Why Being Seen Feels So Damn Scary**

 

Authenticity Detox #4 - Your Authenticity Doesn’t Need an Audience

 

Let’s go ahead and rip the bandage off this one: your authenticity isn’t a performance. It’s not content. It’s not another curated identity for likes, applause, or spiritual street cred.

Your authenticity is yours. It doesn’t need to be seen to be real.

There’s a trap that shows up during healing and shadow work especially when you’re doing it online. You start unmasking, breaking cycles, embracing your weirdness, your softness, your rage… and suddenly you feel like you have to *show* it. Like if no one sees the transformation, did it even happen?

 “Authenticity isn’t proven through visibility. It’s proven through consistency.”

When Your Truth Isn’t Palatable
There will be parts of you that don’t get celebrated. Truths that make people uncomfortable. Boundaries that upset others. Vulnerability that isn’t aesthetically pleasing. And that’s okay.

You’re not here to be understood by everyone.

There will inevitably be moments in life when your truth, your honest feelings, beliefs, or lived experience meets resistance. Sometimes, your perspective may unsettle, confuse, or even disappoint people around you. It is in these moments that authenticity is truly tested. Choosing to express your truth, even when it is not readily accepted or understood, demands courage and compassion. The discomfort others feel in the face of your honesty is not necessarily a reflection of your worth or the validity of your experience. Instead, it highlights the complexity of human connection and the challenge of being fully seen.

Being authentic does not mean forcing your narrative upon others or seeking validation at any cost. Rather, it asks you to honor your inner compass, even if that means standing alone at times. The journey through unpalatable truths teaches resilience and self-respect. By embracing the whole of who you are, especially when your truth is inconvenient or misaligned with others’ expectations, you cultivate deeper self-acceptance. The courage to remain authentic, despite discomfort, becomes a quiet but profound act of self-care.

What Authentic Living Looks Like
- You say what you mean even when no one’s clapping
- You choose integrity over image
- You feel safe in your own presence, not just others’
- You let your values shape your choices, not your audience

This doesn’t mean you can’t share your journey. But make sure you’re not living for the echo.
Authentic living is not a static state but an ongoing practice, a way of moving through the world with integrity and presence. It means being attuned to your values and making choices that align with your inner convictions, even in small, everyday moments. Authentic living is apparent in the gentle refusal to conform simply for ease and in the willingness to be vulnerable, to make mistakes, and to grow openly.

It looks like listening to your intuition when it nudges you toward change, honoring your boundaries without apology, and expressing gratitude and affection freely. Authentic living is visible in the quiet contentment that comes from living in harmony with your truth, and in the flexibility to evolve as you learn more about yourself and the world around you. It is the freedom to show up, imperfect and whole, without the constant burden of performance. In essence, authentic living is a commitment to honesty with oneself, and a compassionate invitation for others to do the same.

You’re here to be whole.

The constant need for external validation is just another mask. This time it’s wearing spiritual makeup and carrying a ring light.


Try This:
- Take a break from posting. Just *be* in your process, privately.
- Ask yourself: If no one ever knew about this transformation, would I still want it?
- Practice a moment of authenticity each day that isn’t witnessed—just felt.

Your authenticity isn’t a costume or a campaign. It’s not for sale. It’s not for likes.

It’s for you.

Coming next: **Stop Mistaking Exposure for Intimacy**

Authenticity Detox #3 - When You Don’t Know Who You Are Without the Mask

 

So you’ve started shedding the masks: the performer, the peacekeeper, the overachiever, the one who always “has it together.” And now what?

Now you feel… lost.

Here’s the part no one talks about: the in-between. That raw, confusing middle space where you’ve let go of who you’re not, but don’t fully know who you are yet. Welcome to identity withdrawal. It’s a real thing.

 “Losing the mask means facing the mirror and seeing your real self without filters for the first time.”

Why It Feels So Unsettling
We’re taught to equate our identity with our roles. The caretaker. The strong one. The funny one. The reliable one. When those roles fade, it can feel like you’re unraveling. But that unraveling? That’s actually integration.

You’re not falling apart. You’re coming into alignment.

Signs You’re in the In-Between
- You question what you actually enjoy when no one’s watching
- You feel emotionally raw or hyper-sensitive
- You get bored or restless without the old “hustle” identity
- You crave solitude but fear loneliness

This stage isn’t failure. It’s foundation. One of the most profound steps on the journey toward authenticity is the ability to discern which roles you inhabit from the inside out, and which you have crafted in response to the expectations and desires of others. Genuine roles feel rooted when you step into them, there is an undercurrent of ease, a natural alignment between your actions and your core values. There is no lingering anxiety about being “found out,” no chafing at the seams. You might lose track of time, feel a quiet sense of pride, or notice that your energy is replenished rather than drained.

By contrast, roles that are “put on” to please others often carry the weight of performance. These masks might start with a simple desire to belong, to win approval, or to avoid conflict, but over time, they can grow rigid, restricting your movements and muffling your voice. You may find yourself rehearsing words before you speak, monitoring reactions, or feeling a persistent fatigue that stems from the effort of maintaining the façade. There is a subtle sense of disconnection between your outer presentation and your inner landscape.

Recognizing the difference requires gentle, ongoing self-inquiry. Ask yourself: When do I feel most at home in my own skin? In whose presence do I lose this comfort? Notice the moments when you move from spontaneity into calculation, when laughter feels forced, or when silence becomes a shield. Becoming aware of these shifts is not about self-judgment, but about cultivating compassion for the parts of you that adapted to survive.

With practice, you can begin to reclaim old, well-worn roles and reshape them into reflections of your truest self. Authenticity is not about abandoning every mask, but about understanding their origins, and choosing, again and again, to return to what feels real.

It’s where you get to *choose* who you’re becoming instead of defaulting to what you were programmed to be.

Try This:
- Journal: Who am I becoming now that I’ve stopped performing?
- Explore activities, aesthetics, or beliefs you never gave yourself permission to try
- Sit in silence, not to “achieve calm,” but to meet yourself without distractions

You’re allowed to be in process. You’re allowed to not have a polished answer. You’re allowed to rediscover joy like a kid who finally got their hands on the crayons again.

This isn’t regression. It’s remembering.

Coming next: **Your Authenticity Doesn’t Need an Audience**

Authenticity Detox #2 - You’re Not Too Much

 

If you’ve ever been told you’re too intense, too emotional, too loud, too sensitive, too weird, this one’s for you.

Let’s be clear: you’re not too much. You’ve probably just been trying to survive in spaces that couldn’t handle your depth.

Somewhere along the way, someone taught you to shrink. To tone it down. To play small. To take up less space, feel fewer things, and perform a more acceptable version of yourself. It worked for a while. But now it’s choking your spirit. Very often this happens because of their exposure to others whose blatant inauthenticity created a knee-jerk reaction to the Mad Hatter’s “muchness”. There are big personalities and there are loud performers. Allow me a moment to explain the difference.

Understanding Authentic Expression Versus Inauthentic Performance

There is a profound distinction between being suppressed for your innate depth and intensity, and intentionally performing exaggerated behaviors in order to attract attention. Both experiences may receive similar labels, “too much,” “too intense,” “too dramatic”, but their roots and outcomes are fundamentally different.

Suppression of Authentic Depth

Suppression occurs when your genuine emotions, thoughts, or ways of being are deemed “too much” by those around you. This often happens in environments such as family, schools, workplaces, social groups that are uncomfortable with the richness or strength of your feelings, ideas, or presence. As a result, you might be pressured, subtly or overtly, to minimize who you are. The message is clear: shrink, quiet down, be less, so others don’t feel their own discomfort.

·         Motivation: You are simply being yourself, feeling deeply, thinking expansively, expressing passionately, but others can’t handle or understand it.

·         Consequences: Over time, you may internalize these messages and begin to suppress your own authenticity, losing touch with the full spectrum of yourself.

·         Example: You share an emotional response to beauty or injustice and are told you’re “Overreacting.” Or you speak passionately about your interests and are told you’re “too much.”

Inauthentic Performance for Attention

In contrast, some individuals consciously or unconsciously amplify their reactions, behaviors, or stories not as an authentic expression, but as a strategy to be seen, to fill a void, or to seek validation. This is not about being “too much” in essence, but about performing “too muchness” as a mask for something else.

·         Motivation: The drive here is often to be noticed, admired, or even pitied. The underlying self may feel unseen, so their outward behaviors become louder, more dramatic, or more extreme as a way to elicit any kind of response.

·         Consequences: This performance can alienate others, create superficial relationships, and ultimately leave the individual feeling even more disconnected from their true self.

·         Example: Someone who constantly dominates conversations with exaggerated stories, or who escalates minor events into melodrama, not as a reflection of genuine experience, but as a way to command attention (positive or negative).

Key Differences

Aspect	Suppressed Authentic Depth	Inauthentic Performance
Motivation	True self-expression	Desire for external validation
Origin	Innate personality and genuine emotion	Constructed persona, reaction to inner emptiness
Reaction of Others	Discomfort, suppression, or dismissal	May provoke annoyance, fatigue, or superficial engagement
Effect on Self	Internalized self-suppression, loss of authenticity	Disconnection from true self, persistent craving for attention

Why the Difference Matters

Understanding this difference is crucial for compassion toward ourselves and others. If you have been told you are “too much” and felt the need to shrink, it may be worth examining whether your fullness is simply challenging the comfort zones of others. On the other hand, if you find yourself performing intensity for effect, it may signal the need for deeper self-connection.

Being authentically expressive in a world that values conformity is an act of courage. Suppression comes from others’ discomfort with your genuine depth. Inauthentic performance, however, is a response to an internal void, seeking outside affirmation. Recognizing which is which creates space for true belonging where who you are, in your fullness, is not too much, but simply enough.

 “Suppression isn’t humility. It’s self-abandonment in a socially approved costume.”

Signs You’ve Been Suppressed, Not Excessive
- You censor yourself before you even speak
- You second-guess your reactions in real time
- You apologize for having needs or emotions
- You keep relationships surface-level because you’ve been shamed for your depth

This isn’t about ego or attention-seeking. It’s about the deep grief of being made to believe your full humanity was “too much.”

Why This Happens
Most of us learned early that expressing our true selves came with consequences. So we adapted. We became smaller, safer, quieter, more “manageable.” But over time, that suppression calcifies and it’s exhausting.

Eventually, something cracks. The truth leaks out in burnout, resentment, depression, or random moments of rage. It’s not dysfunction. It’s the soul pushing back.

Try This:
- Journal: Where in my life am I still shrinking? Why?
- Say something today without editing for tone or approval. See what happens.
- Let yourself cry, dance, scream, or laugh without permission or apology

Reclaiming your “too muchness” is part of the detox. It’s not about being loud for the sake of rebellion. It’s about honoring the fullness of your being and letting the world adjust.

You’re not too much. You’re just finally refusing to be less.

Coming next: **When You Don’t Know Who You Are Without the Mask**

Authenticity Detox #1 - The Mask is Heavy - Persona Fatigue

 

Let’s start with the obvious: you’re tired. Not just physically, soul tired. Like you’ve been performing some version of yourself for so long you don’t even remember who’s under the damn mask.

That’s persona fatigue. And if you’re here, you probably know exactly what it feels like.

You’ve built a version of yourself that can handle everything, keep the peace, be liked, be palatable, be productive, be the one everyone counts on. Maybe it’s the polished professional. The mystic with all the answers. The nice one. The edgy one. The strong one.

Most of us learned to wear masks to survive; people-pleasing, high-achieving, shrinking, smiling, blending.  But pretending to be okay when you’re not? That’s exhausting. And eventually, it costs you your peace.  Wearing a mask keeps you safe, but it also keeps you hidden.  Authenticity isn’t about being raw and exposed 24/7. It’s about being real with yourself first and letting that truth guide how you show up.  This work asks: - Where are you still performing? - What version of you gets praised but feels fake? - What would you say if you didn’t need approval?  Setting the mask down isn’t rebellion. It’s healing.  You’re not too much. You’re just too real for the role you’ve been cast in.

And now? That version is crumbling.

“Persona fatigue isn’t failure. It’s your true self finally demanding airtime.”

 Signs You’re in “Persona Fatigue”
- You feel disconnected from your own joy
- You're constantly second-guessing what to say, wear, post, or want
- You fantasize about running away and starting over with no one knowing you
- You feel resentful about the roles you once volunteered for

This is your soul whispering (or screaming), “I’m done pretending.”

Why We Build Personas
Let’s be clear: you didn’t build these masks for fun. They were survival gear. Armor. Safety nets in unsafe systems. We perform for love, for approval, for access, for survival. There’s no shame in that.

But there comes a point when the cost of performing is higher than the reward. That’s when the detox begins.

Often, the personas we adopt are shaped by expectations whether from social circles, professional environments, or even our own inner critic. These masks serve as armor, but over time, their weight can become suffocating, blurring the boundary between who we are and who we perform to be. In the pursuit of acceptance or success, we may lose touch with the quiet truths of our own hearts.

Returning to authenticity is not a selfish act, but an essential gesture of self-care. When we shed the masks and embrace our genuine selves, we create space for mental clarity and emotional resilience. Authentic living nurtures self-acceptance and invites authentic connection with others, a kind of freedom that cannot be found behind a persona’s façade. It is in the gentle rediscovery of authenticity that we reclaim our mental health, finding balance between vulnerability and strength, and allowing ourselves to breathe without the weight of pretense.

Try This:
- Journal on this prompt: “Who am I when no one’s watching?”
- Write a list of roles you play and ask yourself: Which of these still serve me?
- Sit in silence and ask your body: Where do I feel most fake?

This isn’t about abandoning everything or burning your life down. It’s about calling yourself back from the places you abandoned yourself to fit in.

You don’t owe the world a polished version of you. You owe yourself the truth.

Coming next: **You’re Not Too Much. You’re Probably Suppressed.**