Authenticity Detox #2 - You’re Not Too Much

 

If you’ve ever been told you’re too intense, too emotional, too loud, too sensitive, too weird, this one’s for you.

Let’s be clear: you’re not too much. You’ve probably just been trying to survive in spaces that couldn’t handle your depth.

Somewhere along the way, someone taught you to shrink. To tone it down. To play small. To take up less space, feel fewer things, and perform a more acceptable version of yourself. It worked for a while. But now it’s choking your spirit. Very often this happens because of their exposure to others whose blatant inauthenticity created a knee-jerk reaction to the Mad Hatter’s “muchness”. There are big personalities and there are loud performers. Allow me a moment to explain the difference.

Understanding Authentic Expression Versus Inauthentic Performance

There is a profound distinction between being suppressed for your innate depth and intensity, and intentionally performing exaggerated behaviors in order to attract attention. Both experiences may receive similar labels, “too much,” “too intense,” “too dramatic”, but their roots and outcomes are fundamentally different.

Suppression of Authentic Depth

Suppression occurs when your genuine emotions, thoughts, or ways of being are deemed “too much” by those around you. This often happens in environments such as family, schools, workplaces, social groups that are uncomfortable with the richness or strength of your feelings, ideas, or presence. As a result, you might be pressured, subtly or overtly, to minimize who you are. The message is clear: shrink, quiet down, be less, so others don’t feel their own discomfort.

·         Motivation: You are simply being yourself, feeling deeply, thinking expansively, expressing passionately, but others can’t handle or understand it.

·         Consequences: Over time, you may internalize these messages and begin to suppress your own authenticity, losing touch with the full spectrum of yourself.

·         Example: You share an emotional response to beauty or injustice and are told you’re “Overreacting.” Or you speak passionately about your interests and are told you’re “too much.”

Inauthentic Performance for Attention

In contrast, some individuals consciously or unconsciously amplify their reactions, behaviors, or stories not as an authentic expression, but as a strategy to be seen, to fill a void, or to seek validation. This is not about being “too much” in essence, but about performing “too muchness” as a mask for something else.

·         Motivation: The drive here is often to be noticed, admired, or even pitied. The underlying self may feel unseen, so their outward behaviors become louder, more dramatic, or more extreme as a way to elicit any kind of response.

·         Consequences: This performance can alienate others, create superficial relationships, and ultimately leave the individual feeling even more disconnected from their true self.

·         Example: Someone who constantly dominates conversations with exaggerated stories, or who escalates minor events into melodrama, not as a reflection of genuine experience, but as a way to command attention (positive or negative).

Key Differences

Aspect	Suppressed Authentic Depth	Inauthentic Performance
Motivation	True self-expression	Desire for external validation
Origin	Innate personality and genuine emotion	Constructed persona, reaction to inner emptiness
Reaction of Others	Discomfort, suppression, or dismissal	May provoke annoyance, fatigue, or superficial engagement
Effect on Self	Internalized self-suppression, loss of authenticity	Disconnection from true self, persistent craving for attention

Why the Difference Matters

Understanding this difference is crucial for compassion toward ourselves and others. If you have been told you are “too much” and felt the need to shrink, it may be worth examining whether your fullness is simply challenging the comfort zones of others. On the other hand, if you find yourself performing intensity for effect, it may signal the need for deeper self-connection.

Being authentically expressive in a world that values conformity is an act of courage. Suppression comes from others’ discomfort with your genuine depth. Inauthentic performance, however, is a response to an internal void, seeking outside affirmation. Recognizing which is which creates space for true belonging where who you are, in your fullness, is not too much, but simply enough.

 “Suppression isn’t humility. It’s self-abandonment in a socially approved costume.”

Signs You’ve Been Suppressed, Not Excessive
- You censor yourself before you even speak
- You second-guess your reactions in real time
- You apologize for having needs or emotions
- You keep relationships surface-level because you’ve been shamed for your depth

This isn’t about ego or attention-seeking. It’s about the deep grief of being made to believe your full humanity was “too much.”

Why This Happens
Most of us learned early that expressing our true selves came with consequences. So we adapted. We became smaller, safer, quieter, more “manageable.” But over time, that suppression calcifies and it’s exhausting.

Eventually, something cracks. The truth leaks out in burnout, resentment, depression, or random moments of rage. It’s not dysfunction. It’s the soul pushing back.

Try This:
- Journal: Where in my life am I still shrinking? Why?
- Say something today without editing for tone or approval. See what happens.
- Let yourself cry, dance, scream, or laugh without permission or apology

Reclaiming your “too muchness” is part of the detox. It’s not about being loud for the sake of rebellion. It’s about honoring the fullness of your being and letting the world adjust.

You’re not too much. You’re just finally refusing to be less.

Coming next: **When You Don’t Know Who You Are Without the Mask**