First, let me preface this by saying that this series, "Real Talk" is a collection of 13 brief thoughts to ponder. Consider them the small bits of insight that you may receive from that one relative or friend that's seen some shit. Each blog post is short and to the point. More than a meme; less than a Self-Help ebook. I will, however, be expanding on these topics in the podcast very soon.
That said, let's start here:
Avoidance dressed up as enlightenment is still avoidance. It doesn’t matter how many affirmations you tape to your mirror or how many white candles you burn—if you’re using “positive vibes only” to bulldoze over your grief, your fear, your rage, or your trauma, you’re not healing. You’re spiritually bypassing. And that mess piles up, fast.
Healing isn’t tidy. It’s not comfortable. It doesn’t always feel like a breakthrough. Sometimes it’s ugly crying on the kitchen floor. Sometimes it’s realizing that love and boundaries can—and must—coexist. Sometimes it’s admitting you’ve been performing growth while avoiding real change.
Spiritual bypassing happens when people skip the actual emotional work and call it healing. They forgive people who haven’t apologized, they repeat “everything happens for a reason” instead of facing their own choices, and they avoid conflict because it makes them feel spiritually ‘low vibrational.’
But here’s the truth: conflict isn’t toxic. Avoiding your truth is.
Shadow work means owning your entire self—not just the parts that make people clap. Real healing invites discomfort. It asks you to sit with the stuff that makes your skin crawl. It dares you to stop performing and start transforming.
So next time you catch yourself reaching for a quick spiritual ‘fix,’ ask yourself:
- Am I avoiding something?
- Who am I trying to protect—myself, or the illusion of being okay?
- What would happen if I stopped pretending?
You don’t have to heal beautifully. You just have to heal honestly.
That’s the real work. And it’s worth it.
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