Shadow Work Series #8 - Reparenting Isn’t Coddling—What Inner Child Work Really Means

 

Inner child work isn’t about regression. It’s about repair.

When people hear “inner child,” they often picture some woo-woo concept where you’re supposed to hug a pillow and cry about your past for hours. And sure, that can be part of it. But real inner child work is about reparenting the parts of you that never got what they needed so they stop running the show from the shadows.

“You’re not healing to become the child again. You’re healing to become the adult that child needed.”

We all carry internalized messages from childhood about safety, love, worthiness, and power. And unless you’ve made those messages conscious, they’re still shaping your reactions, decisions, relationships, and self-concept.

Signs Your Inner Child Is in the Driver’s Seat:
- You overreact to rejection or abandonment
- You sabotage intimacy when it feels too close
- You crave constant reassurance or external validation
- You people-please like it’s a survival tactic (because it was)

This isn’t immaturity. This is unhealed pain looking for a home. And it’s your job to create that home now, not just for your past self, but for your present and future. And here’s the unpopular part: If you recognize these traumas, it’s because even as a child you knew this was not right. You knew, and know, there is a correct way. And it is your responsibility as a grown-ass adult to be the change. If it’s still happening, set boundaries. If it’s not, recognize and acknowledge that it’s in the past, take the lesson from it and use it. Enforce your own healthy boundaries, take time to understand others’ limits and know that you are able to be the safe space for others that you would have needed.

Reparenting Isn’t About Blame, It’s About Responsibility
You may have been failed, ignored, or mistreated. That matters. But shadow work doesn’t stop at pointing fingers. It asks: *Now what?*

Now you become the one who listens to that inner voice. Who sets structure. Who provides safety. Who shows up with consistency.

What Inner Child Work Looks Like:
- Identifying core wounds (abandonment, neglect, shame, fear)
- Creating rituals of care, not just coping
- Saying the words you needed to hear back then—out loud, often
- Stopping the self-talk that mimics your old bullies

Try This:
- Write a letter to your younger self, then respond from your adult self
- When triggered, ask: “What age does this reaction feel like?”
- Start your day with a grounding ritual that says, “I’ve got you now”

Inner child work is some of the deepest shadow work you’ll ever do. It’s not just emotional, it’s neurological. It rewires the places your body still flinches. And it brings back the parts of you that learned to hide just to survive.

Coming next: **When Your Shadow Sabotages Everything Good—The Truth About Self-Sabotage**