Spiritual Discernment # 7- Spiritual Discernment Is Self-Trust in Action

 

Spiritual discernment isn’t just a concept, it’s a practice. A muscle. A daily commitment to honoring what feels true, even when it’s hard.

It’s not about having perfect clarity all the time. It’s about learning to trust yourself more than the noise around you. It’s the quiet art of checking in, listening deeply, and saying: “I choose what feels aligned.”

In a world full of spiritual noise, slick branding, and endless teachings, discernment is your anchor. And at its core, discernment is just this: Self-trust in action.

Why Discernment Matters

There’s a lot of noise in the spiritual world. Teachers. Healers. Coaches. Podcasts. Books. Apps. Everyone claiming to have the answer. And some of those answers might genuinely serve you. Others won’t.

Without discernment, it’s easy to get swept away by someone else’s voice and lose touch with your own.

Discernment protects your energy. It helps you choose truth over trend. It reminds you that you don’t have to follow what’s popular to be on the right path.

You are the expert on your own soul.

What Self-Trust Actually Looks Like

It’s not about always knowing what to do. It’s about trusting yourself to figure it out.

Self-trust sounds like:
- “I don’t need to rush this decision. I’ll know when it’s time.”
- “This doesn’t make logical sense yet, but it feels right.”
- “I don’t have to justify this choice to anyone.”
- “My intuition is valid, even if others don’t understand.”

It means allowing your “yes” and your “no” to come from within—not from fear, pressure, or external approval.

How to Cultivate Discernment

Discernment sharpens with practice. You build it by paying attention to how your body responds to people, spaces, and teachings.

Ask yourself:
- Does this feel expansive or contracted?
- Do I feel calm and clear—or anxious and confused?
- Do I feel seen—or subtly shamed?

These questions aren’t superficial. They’re spiritual.

The more you practice, the more your body becomes your compass. Your nervous system becomes your guide. Your emotions become your data.

You Don’t Need to Outsource Your Knowing

You can still learn from others. You can still seek guidance. But you don’t need to hand over your power to anyone.

Spiritual discernment means you can take what resonates and leave the rest.

It means you can:
- Respect a teacher without idolizing them.
- Join a group without losing your individuality.
- Receive feedback without abandoning your instincts.

That’s not rebellion. That’s maturity.

Self-Trust Is the Foundation of All Spiritual Work

Every time you listen to your inner voice, it gets stronger. Every time you honor your gut feeling, your discernment sharpens.

You start making decisions not out of fear, but from alignment. You stop chasing approval and start choosing peace.

This is the quiet magic of self-trust:
- You stop asking everyone else what to do.
- You stop second-guessing every choice.
- You start creating a spiritual life that’s rooted in truth—not trends.

Journal Prompts to Ground Your Practice

- What’s one recent decision I made that honored my knowing?
- Where am I still outsourcing my clarity?
- What does alignment feel like in my body?
- How can I make space to hear my intuition more clearly?

In Closing

There’s no formula for perfect discernment. No checklist that guarantees you’ll always get it right.

But you don’t need perfection. You need practice. You need presence. You need to come back to your own center again and again.

Spiritual discernment is the quiet, courageous act of saying: “I trust myself.”

And every time you do, your path becomes a little clearer. Your voice gets a little louder. Your choices feel a little freer.

So let that be your guide—not what’s trending, not what’s popular, not what’s polished.

You already know what’s true for you. Keep listening.

Spiritual Discernment # 6 - You’re Allowed to Say 'No Thanks'

 

To keep it simple: You are allowed to say “No.” You don’t need a dramatic reason. You don’t owe anyone an explanation. You don’t have to stay somewhere that no longer feels right, even if you already invested time, energy, or money.

That’s not flakiness. That’s sovereignty.

In spiritual spaces, we’re often taught to stick things out. To “trust the process,” to “work through the resistance,” or to “complete the container.” But what if your gut is telling you to get out? What if the energy feels off, and your body is screaming for you to leave?

That’s not resistance. That’s wisdom.

When “No” Is the Most Spiritual Answer

You can leave the retreat early.
You can unfollow the teacher.
You can ask for a refund.
You can walk out of the circle.

Even if others are having breakthroughs.
Even if you “should” feel grateful.
Even if someone says you’re being difficult.

Because here’s the truth: if something doesn’t feel aligned, it’s not aligned. Period. No approach exists that is one-size-fits-all.

You don’t have to override your body to be spiritual. You don’t have to abandon your own needs to be a good student, client, or participant.

Why Saying No Can Feel Hard

Let’s name the things that make it hard to walk away:
- **Guilt** – You don’t want to seem ungrateful or selfish.
- **Sunk cost** – You’ve already invested so much.
- **Fear of judgment** – What will they say if you leave?
- **Hope** – Maybe it will get better if you just wait it out.

These are real feelings. And they deserve compassion. But they don’t have to make your decisions for you.

You don’t have to earn your exit. You just have to trust your inner “no.”

You Don’t Owe Your Loyalty

One of the most liberating truths in spiritual discernment is this: You don’t owe anyone your loyalty, especially not at the cost of your wellbeing.

Not the guru.
Not the group.
Not the healing program.
Not the community that helped you once but now makes you shrink.

Staying in spaces that no longer feel safe or expansive doesn’t serve your growth. It stunts it.

Discernment gives you permission to leave before things get toxic. To exit when you’re uncomfortable, not just when you’re traumatized.

Permission to Exit Without Apology

You don’t need to burn bridges.
You don’t need to write a manifesto.
You don’t need to justify your choices.

You are allowed to leave quietly. Or loudly. Or somewhere in between. The point is: Your No is sacred. And no one gets to vote on your boundaries.

Here’s what empowered exit might look like:
- “Thank you for the experience. I’m choosing to step away.”
- “This isn’t feeling right for me anymore.”
- “I’m honoring my needs and making space for something else.”

That’s not rejection. That’s self-respect.

Journal Prompts for Reflection

- Where have I stayed too long out of guilt or obligation?
- What do I fear will happen if I walk away?
- When have I ignored my “no” in order to be accepted?
- What would trusting myself look like in this situation?

Final Thoughts

Saying no isn’t a failure. It’s not a betrayal. It’s not a sign that you’re ungrateful or broken.

It’s a declaration: “I trust myself more than I trust someone else’s idea of what’s best for me.” That is progress.

That’s what discernment is. Not perfection. Not rigid rules. But the quiet courage to say, “This isn’t for me” and walk away.

You are not here to be agreeable. You’re here to be aligned.

So if it doesn’t feel right? Say no thanks.

And keep walking.

Spiritual Discernment # 5 - Integrity Is the Real Vibe

 

Let’s be honest, we’ve made a religion out of aesthetics. In the world of online spirituality, the person with the most followers, the prettiest quotes, and the calmest voice often gets treated like a guru. But here’s the truth most people won’t say out loud:

**Aesthetic doesn’t equal authenticity. And charisma doesn’t equal character.**

If you want to know who’s truly walking a spiritual path, don’t look at how aligned their branding is. Look at how aligned their behavior is. Look at how they treat people. Look at what they do when no one’s watching.

That’s where you find integrity. And that’s the vibe that actually matters.

What Integrity Looks Like

Integrity means someone is the same behind the scenes as they are in front of a crowd. They:
- Admit mistakes without deflecting.
- Respect boundaries consistently.
- Prioritize truth over image, even when it costs them likes or approval.

They don’t just say they’re about healing. They actually embody it.

You’ll know someone has integrity because you feel safe around them—not just impressed.

Integrity Is Quiet. It’s Powerful

We live in a world obsessed with performance. But integrity isn’t about being impressive. It’s about being trustworthy. It’s about consistency over charisma.

Real integrity doesn’t shout. It doesn’t need to sell you on anything. It simply shows up, again and again, as the same grounded presence.

You’ll see it in how someone:
- Handles conflict.
- Responds to feedback.
- Treats people who can’t give them anything in return.

This isn’t glamorous. But it’s solid. And that’s the kind of energy that allows you to relax and be yourself.

Red Flags to Watch For

If someone’s public persona is all love and light, but they shame people behind the scenes—there’s a gap.

If someone talks about trauma healing but tramples your boundaries when you speak up—there’s a gap.

If someone markets themselves as a leader but can’t take responsibility for their actions—there’s a gap.

These gaps between words and actions are where manipulation, harm, and spiritual confusion thrive. Discernment is about noticing those gaps and honoring what you see.

Charisma Isn’t the Same as Credibility

Just because someone is captivating doesn’t mean they’re living in integrity.

We’ve been trained to trust people who speak well, dress the part, and command a room. But plenty of dangerous people have mastered those skills.

Charisma can be a mask. It can draw you in and keep you from noticing the warning signs.

So if someone feels magnetic, great, but dig deeper. Do their values line up with their actions? Do they treat people with respect even when it’s inconvenient? Do they take accountability?

If not, walk away.

Choose Accountability Over Aesthetics

Your spiritual well-being is more important than being part of the “in” crowd. It’s more important than staying connected to someone who looks the part but lacks the heart.

Let your discernment guide you toward:
- Consistency over coolness.
- Accountability over applause.
- Depth over display.

Integrity isn’t always exciting—but it’s healing. It’s what creates safety. And in spiritual spaces, safety should be non-negotiable.

Journal Prompts to Deepen Your Clarity

- Who in my life models integrity and how do I feel around them?
- When have I prioritized image over truth?
- What does energetic safety feel like in my body?
- Where have I ignored red flags because someone seemed “aligned”?

Final Thoughts

You can’t fake integrity.

You can copy someone’s aesthetic. You can memorize spiritual language. You can curate a perfect online persona. But if your actions don’t match your words, it will show. Eventually.

Discernment is what helps you spot the real from the performative. It reminds you that you’re not looking for perfection, you’re looking for congruence.

So the next time you’re drawn to someone’s vibe, pause. Ask yourself:
- Do they live what they teach?
- Do I feel safe in their presence?
- Does their energy match their message?

If the answer is yes, you’ve found something real. If not, trust yourself enough to walk away.

Because in the end, **Integrity is the only vibe that actually matters.**

Spritual Discernment # 4 - Discernment vs. Judgment (There’s a Big Difference)

 

Let’s clear something up right now: discernment is not the same thing as judgment.

And confusing the two is one of the sneakiest ways spiritual spaces disarm people’s intuition. How many times have you second-guessed yourself because you didn’t want to be “judgmental”? How many moments of clarity have you shoved aside to “stay positive” or “be accepting”?

There’s a big difference between judging others and trusting your own sense of alignment.

Judgment is false ego-driven. It’s about ranking people, proving superiority, and shaming what doesn’t fit our mold. True Ego helps us define who we are and how we align with others through introspection without making less of others. Discernment is the heart-driven part of that process. It’s about clarity, protection, and honoring your truth.

You can say, “This isn’t right for me,” without needing to attack, shame, or belittle. That’s what spiritual maturity looks like.

Judgment: What It Really Is

Judgment tends to look like:
- “I’m better than them.”
- “They’re wrong, I’m right.”
- “If they don’t see things my way, they’re stupid or unenlightened.”

It carries a sharp edge. It lacks curiosity. And often, it masks our own insecurity or fear.

Spiritual judgment might even hide behind language like:
- “They’re low vibe.”
- “They haven’t awakened yet.”
- “I can’t be around people like that.”

This isn’t discernment. This is superiority dressed in spiritual terms. And it creates disconnection instead of clarity.

Discernment: A Deeper Wisdom

Discernment sounds different:
- “This doesn’t resonate for me.”
- “I feel uncomfortable in this space.”
- “This teaching doesn’t feel safe or aligned right now.”

There’s no need to make anyone wrong. You’re simply honoring what feels true for *you*.

Discernment doesn’t reject people; it protects your peace.
It doesn’t tear others down, it builds your inner trust.

It’s entirely possible to walk away from something or someone without making a dramatic exit. You don’t need to blast them on social media. You don’t need to justify your decision to anyone. You’re allowed to choose your own path quietly, cleanly, and with compassion.

Why This Distinction Matters

Too many spiritual circles weaponize the idea of “non-judgment” to shut down valid concerns. They say:
- “Don’t be negative.”
- “You’re projecting.”
- “That’s just your ego talking.”

And suddenly, you’re silencing your own inner wisdom in the name of being “spiritual.”

Let’s be honest: sometimes your intuition *is* uncomfortable. Sometimes it says “no” before your brain catches up. And if you don’t know the difference between discernment and judgment, you might ignore that intuitive signal and walk right into a harmful situation.

Your “no” is not judgment. Your “I don’t feel safe here” is not cruelty. That’s your discernment doing what it’s supposed to do.

Discernment Is Spiritual Self-Trust

When we don’t trust ourselves, we outsource our power. We second-guess what we feel. We override our body’s messages. And we end up in places, relationships, or teachings that don’t serve us.

Discernment is a spiritual practice. It’s not flashy. It doesn’t look cool on Instagram. But it is absolutely foundational.

It says:
- “I can be kind and still have boundaries.”
- “I can honor my truth without needing to invalidate yours.”
- “I can choose what’s right for me, even if others don’t understand.”

This isn’t judgment. It’s self-trust in motion.

Journal Prompts to Explore the Difference

- Where have I mistaken judgment for discernment?
- Where have I silenced myself in the name of being “nice”?
- What does it feel like in my body when I’m judging vs discerning?
- How can I trust my inner “no” without guilt?

Final Thoughts

You’re allowed to say no. You’re allowed to walk away. You’re allowed to choose your own healing, even if others disagree.

That doesn’t make you harsh. That makes you honest.

Discernment is strength. It’s not about building walls, it’s about building self-respect. The more you trust it, the more rooted and clear you become.

So next time someone says, “Don’t be judgmental,” pause. Check in. And if your intuition still says, “This isn’t for me,” believe it.

That’s discernment. That’s power.

Spiritual Discernment #3 - Cults Don’t Always Wear Robes

 

When you hear the word “cult,” you probably picture a secluded compound, chanting followers, and a robe-wearing leader who claims divine authority. But the truth is, cult-like dynamics are everywhere, and many of them look nothing like the stereotype.

In today’s spiritual world, manipulation wears a new outfit. It speaks in hashtags. It sells healing packages. It hides behind smiles and self-help lingo. You don’t need robes or rituals to create a toxic power structure. All you need is one person with too much influence and a group unwilling to question.

This is where discernment becomes a non-negotiable tool.

What Cult Vibes Look Like

You don’t have to be in a literal cult to be impacted by cult-like dynamics. Some warning signs:
- **There’s one unquestionable leader.** Their word is final. They position themselves as the only source of truth.
- **You’re pressured to conform.** Dissent is shamed. Disagreement is treated as betrayal.
- **Outsiders are demonized.** You’re told that anyone who doesn’t “get it” is unenlightened or dangerous.
- **Jargon is used to gatekeep.** Complicated language keeps you confused and dependent.

Sound familiar?

This kind of environment doesn’t always feel scary. Sometimes it feels exhilarating. Safe. Connected. At first. But over time, you start to notice that you don’t feel free. You feel controlled.

What It Feels Like

Manipulative spiritual spaces don’t always shout. Sometimes they whisper. They say things like:
- “If you leave, you’re not ready for your next level.”
- “You just don’t understand yet.”
- “Only those who are truly awakened can see the truth.”

And here’s what you start to feel:
- Confused and anxious when questioning anything.
- Afraid to speak up or leave.
- Dependent on the group or teacher for approval and validation.
- Isolated from friends or family who “don’t understand.”

These aren’t small concerns. This is spiritual manipulation, and it’s real.

You Don’t Owe Anyone Your Power

Discernment is the ability to ask, “Does this space amplify my voice, or erase it?” If you’re not allowed to disagree, leave, or set boundaries without being shamed, you’re not in a community, you’re in a system of control.

You do not owe your loyalty to any teacher, healer, or group. Not if they make you feel small. Not if they shame your questions. Not if they frame your doubt as weakness.

Discernment says:
- “I don’t care how many followers they have.”
- “I don’t care how polished their message sounds.”
- “If it feels coercive, it probably is.”

How to Break the Spell

If something feels off, trust that. You’re not crazy. You’re not broken. You’re waking up.

Start by creating distance. That could mean unfollowing, taking a break from events, or stepping out of the conversation. Talk to people you trust. Read up on high-control groups. Journal your experience to get clarity.

Here’s what you’ll likely find: your intuition was right all along.

Journal Prompts to Support Your Clarity

- When have I felt manipulated in the name of growth?
- What does real safety feel like in my body?
- Who or what makes me feel free to be myself?
- Where have I silenced my instincts to fit in?

In Closing

Cults don’t always wear robes. Sometimes they wear flowy dresses, post daily affirmations, and claim to be healers. The packaging doesn’t matter. The behavior does.

Stay curious. Stay awake. Stay sovereign.

Spirituality should never cost you your voice. If it does, it’s time to walk away.

Spiritual Discernment #2 - Love and Light Can Still Be a Red Flag

 

“Love and light” might be the most overused phrase in modern spirituality and sometimes, the most misleading.

Yes, love and light have their place. Yes, positivity is powerful. But when those words are used to shut down, silence, or shame real emotion and lived experience, we’re no longer in the realm of spiritual growth. We’re deep in the territory of spiritual bypassing.

Let’s call it what it is: weaponized positivity. Many refer to it as Toxic Positivity. They aren’t wrong. And it’s everywhere.

Have you ever opened up to someone about pain or anger, only to be told to “just raise your vibration”? Have you ever been struggling and heard someone say, “You’re attracting this experience”? That isn’t compassion. That’s dismissal dressed up as enlightenment.

True spiritual growth doesn’t ignore pain; it holds it gently. It doesn’t shame you for your anger, it asks what it’s trying to protect. And it definitely doesn’t use spiritual buzzwords to avoid uncomfortable truths.

This is where discernment comes in.

Ask yourself:
- Are these words creating space for truth, or are they shutting it down?
- Is this about building connection, or enforcing compliance?
- Does this person walk their talk, or hide behind it?

Discernment doesn’t mean you’re cynical. It means you know the difference between a safe space and a silencing one. It means you can spot the difference between genuine support and manipulative softness.

Let’s break this down further.

The Language of Bypassing

Some phrases sound spiritual but are deeply harmful when used in the wrong context:
- “You’re too negative” = I don’t want to hold space for your real emotions.
- “Just raise your vibration” = I’d rather you be quiet than authentic.
- “You’re attracting this” = It’s your fault for feeling bad.

These statements don’t encourage healing. They’re not tough love. They cause you to question your reality. They make you feel like being human—complex, emotional, messy—is a flaw. That’s not spiritual growth. That’s spiritual gaslighting.

What Real Love and Light Look Like

Love is not always soft. Sometimes love is fierce. Sometimes it says, “This isn’t okay.” Sometimes it makes space for grief, rage, and shadow. Light doesn’t mean everything’s pleasant, it means everything is seen.

Real spiritual maturity honors the full human experience. It holds anger and joy. It welcomes grief and laughter. It doesn’t rush to fix you, it stays present with you.

You’ll know you’re in the presence of real love when:
- You’re not pressured to be okay.
- You’re allowed to feel, without being corrected.
- Your truth is welcomed, even when it’s hard.

Why Discernment Matters

The spiritual world is full of glittery distractions. Beautiful words. Calming aesthetics. But that doesn’t mean safety. That doesn’t mean depth.

When people use “non-judgment” as a way to silence critique or “love and light” to bypass discomfort, that’s a red flag.

Discernment helps you stay grounded in what’s real. It says:
- “I’m not being negative, I’m being honest.”
- “I don’t have to stay silent to be spiritual.”
- “I can love deeply and still say no.”

Journal Prompts for Reflection

To deepen your clarity, ask yourself:
- When have I felt silenced by someone’s positivity?
- Where have I bypassed my own truth in the name of “being spiritual”?
- What does mature, grounded love feel like in my body?

In Closing

You’re allowed to be skeptical of feel-good language that doesn’t make room for your full humanity. You’re allowed to want more than pastel positivity and curated connection. You deserve depth, honesty, and spaces where you’re not just seen, but allowed to be.

Discernment cuts through the glitter. It gets to the truth. And the truth will always make room for all of you.

Spiritual Discernment # 1 - Not Every “Good Vibe” Is Safe

 

In a culture obsessed with vibes, aesthetics, and self-proclaimed spiritual gurus, it’s easy to get swept up in a sea of sage smoke, pastel filters, and perfect-sounding messages. The modern spiritual world is full of people who seem enlightened, people who speak in gentle tones, post poetic affirmations, and promise transformation. But here’s the inconvenient truth: not everyone with “good energy” is operating with good intentions.

Discernment is a spiritual skill that gets underused, and dangerously so. It’s the ability to look past appearances, question smooth delivery, and listen to what your own intuition is telling you. When we mistake good branding for good energy, we lose touch with the most important compass we have: our gut.

Let’s break down why you need to be cautious, not paranoid but absolutely discerning in spiritual spaces.

Performance Isn’t Integrity

Just because someone sounds spiritual doesn’t mean they are. It’s alarmingly easy to fake alignment. Some of the most harmful people wear the best disguises. They talk about healing and growth while subtly undermining yours. They claim to be about love and truth but recoil the moment you express discomfort or challenge them.

Spiritual language is powerful and it can be used manipulatively. Words like “alignment,” “vibration,” “energy,” “manifestation,” and “sovereignty” get tossed around so much they start to lose meaning. The problem isn’t the words themselves, it’s how they’re used. When someone uses spiritual buzzwords to mask control, dismiss criticism, or shame you for asking questions, that’s not enlightenment. That’s manipulation wrapped in a pretty package.

How to Tell Something Is Off

You don’t need to be an expert to sense when something isn’t right. Your body knows. Your nervous system knows. You just have to learn how to pay attention to the signs.

Ask yourself:

• Do I feel more grounded or more anxious after listening to this person?
• Do I feel invited into deeper understanding, or subtly pressured to agree?
• Is this space centered on growth, or control?
• Am I encouraged to ask questions, or made to feel like a problem for doing so?

These are not petty concerns. These are the foundation of discernment. If you leave an interaction feeling spun out, small, or like your autonomy has been compromised, that’s a red flag even if the “vibe” was calm and sweet.

Good Vibes Can Be a Smokescreen

Here’s something a lot of people don’t want to hear: “high vibe” isn’t the same as safe. The most polished spiritual influencers are often just that, influencers. They’ve mastered the art of the online aesthetic, the soothing voice, the perfect captions. But a curated feed is not proof of inner work.

Energy doesn’t lie but people are very good at disguising it. Some of the most toxic people know how to talk like healers. They know the script. They know how to mirror your language and play into your spiritual expectations. And that’s exactly why discernment is critical.

Don’t be fooled by a crystal collection or a meditation practice. Don’t assume that someone is wise just because they say they’re channeling divine wisdom. Discernment isn’t about being skeptical of everyone. It’s about trusting yourself more than you trust someone else’s persona.

Discernment Looks Like This

When you’re practicing spiritual discernment, you’re not judging others in a moral or hierarchical way. You’re not saying, “I’m better than them.” You’re simply saying, “This doesn’t feel right to me.”

And that is enough.

You don’t need a ten-point reason or a dramatic exit. You don’t have to prove anything. If it feels off it probably is. Honor that. That’s not paranoia or judgment. That’s wisdom. You are allowed to trust your inner compass over someone else’s vibe.

Discernment sounds like:

• “I’m going to take a step back for now.”
• “This doesn’t feel aligned for me, and I don’t need to explain why.”
• “I notice I feel anxious when I engage with this content or community.”
• “I don’t feel safe or free to be myself here.”

And here’s the key: you are allowed to leave. You are allowed to unfollow, unsubscribe, disengage, or walk away from anything that no longer feels supportive—no matter how pretty it looks on the surface.

Spiritual Manipulation in Disguise

One of the most insidious things about spiritual manipulation is that it often hides behind positive language. You might hear things like:

• “You’re just resisting because you’re not ready.”
• “That discomfort means you’re being called to heal something in yourself.”
• “If it bothers you, it’s your shadow speaking.”

Sometimes that’s true. But often, it’s just another way of invalidating your experience.

Real spiritual teachers don’t weaponize discomfort or use it to silence you. They invite curiosity and conversation. They respect your boundaries. They welcome your questions.

The moment someone uses spirituality to make you question your sanity, dismiss your intuition, or shame your autonomy, that’s the moment you need to step back.

Discernment Is a Spiritual Practice

Discernment isn’t about being critical. It’s about being clear. It’s a quiet, grounded practice of self-trust. It says, “I’m not here to blindly accept. I’m here to feel into what’s true for me.”

You don’t need to be hyper-vigilant, constantly scanning for danger. But you do need to stay awake.

You can admire someone’s wisdom without following them.
You can respect someone’s path without walking it.
You can love people from afar without staying connected to what feels unsafe.

A Few Journal Prompts to Deepen Your Clarity

• When have I ignored red flags because someone seemed “high vibe”?
• What does safety feel like in my body?
• Where have I felt silenced, not seen, in a spiritual space?
• Who in my life truly honors my boundaries and intuition?

Closing Thoughts

Spiritual spaces should nourish you, not drain you. They should help you return to yourself, not disconnect you from your own voice. Not every good vibe is good for you. And not everyone speaking about healing is safe to follow.

At the end of the day, your discernment is your protection. Trust it. Let it guide you. And never apologize for listening to your gut.

 

Ancestor Work Series #7 - Modern Problems, Ancient Wisdom—Why Ancestor Work Still Matters Today

 

We live in a world of fast fixes, fractured identities, and constant noise. So why dig around in the bones of the past?

Because ancestor work offers something our culture has almost forgotten, context, continuity, and depth.

“You’re not just a soul floating through time. You’re a story still being written by generations before you.”

Ancestor work roots you. It says you didn’t start from scratch. You’re not broken. You’re part of a lineage that’s seen war, famine, joy, oppression, love, survival, and healing. You’ve inherited not just wounds, but tools.

Ancient Problems, Too
Let’s be honest, most “modern problems” aren’t all that modern. Anxiety, isolation, burnout, grief, identity confusion? These are ancestral echoes in new clothes.

And sometimes the solutions aren’t in the newest app, trend, or self-help book. They’re in the rhythms of ritual, community, reciprocity, and remembrance.

You’re Not Alone in This
You’re not the first one to wrestle with purpose. You’re not the first to carry generational weight. But you might be the first with the privilege, insight, and access to finally break the pattern.

That’s not pressure. That’s power.

Ancestor Work for the Now
This isn’t about living in the past. It’s about using ancestral insight to meet the present with clarity, groundedness, and resilience.

- Ritual brings focus in chaos
- Lineage brings meaning to suffering
- Connection brings strength where isolation once ruled

Try This:
- When you’re facing a challenge, ask: “What would my resilient ancestors do?”
- Create a ritual to call in ancestral support before big decisions or transitions
- Ask your lineage for guidance in dreams or divination then record what comes

Many cultures around the world practice some form of Ancestor Veneration. (In a future post I will share a list of just some of those.)  Consider doing a little of your own research into the customs of our own lineage and mix of cultures. It can bring the whole practice home for you, provide deeper connection and help you to build your rituals and understand the “why” as much as the “how”.  This isn’t a tutorial in absolutely matching a practice, but understanding the fundamentals and making your work 100% your own.

In a time obsessed with individuality, ancestor work reminds you: you’re part of something bigger. Something older. Something wiser.

And you carry that with you every step forward.

Thank you for reading this far.  If any part of this series resonates with you, feel free to share and leave a comment.  I would love to hear your thoughts, your stories and your questions.

Cheers,

Raven

 

Ancestor Work Series #6 - Living Legacy – Becoming a Good Ancestor

 

Ancestor work isn’t just backward-facing. It’s also about who you’re becoming.

You’re not just calling on the past. You’re shaping the future. You are someone’s ancestor-in-the-making. What values do you want to pass on? What pain are you ending? What wisdom are you anchoring? You don’t have to get it perfect. But make it intentional.

Be the kind of ancestor your descendants will be proud to call in.

Let’s be clear: ancestor work isn’t ancestor worship. And you don’t have to love, forgive, or even like your ancestors to learn something from them.

Some of your ancestors were not good people. Some were abusive, complicit, harmful, or completely absent. The spiritual pressure to love and uplift “all your relations” can be toxic—especially if it asks you to bypass pain in the name of healing.

“Spiritual growth doesn’t require rewriting history. It requires meeting it with truth.”

You’re allowed to have complex feelings. You’re allowed to set spiritual boundaries. And you’re still allowed to learn from the line you came from—even if it’s just learning what not to repeat.

Learning Isn’t Always Admiration
Sometimes you learn resilience from a survivor. Sometimes you learn caution from a destroyer. Either way, you’re engaging with your lineage consciously—and that’s where the healing happens.

You don’t need to invite harmful ancestors to your altar. You don’t need to speak their names. But you can still acknowledge that their impact echoes in your life—and choose how to engage with it, or not.

A New Kind of Relationship
Ancestor work can be about reclamation. But it can also be about release. Releasing inherited burdens. Releasing ancestral shame. Releasing the obligation to honor what harmed you.

This is how you heal forward. You don’t sugarcoat the past—you alchemize it.

Try This:
- Write down the traits or wounds you’ve inherited from difficult ancestors. Ask: “What’s mine to carry—and what ends here?”
- Create a ritual of refusal. Burn a symbol of a pattern you’re done with and state, “This cycle ends with me.”
- Invite only the healed, healing, or benevolent ancestors to guide your work

You don’t have to love them. But you can learn from them. And that, in itself, is an act of power.

Coming next: **Modern Problems, Ancient Wisdom—Why Ancestor Work Still Matters Today**

Ancestor Work Series #5 - Ritual, Offerings, and Consent—Doing Ancestor Work with Integrity

 

Ancestor work gets real when you move from theory to practice. That’s where ritual comes in, but not as a performance. As a conversation.

You don’t need incense and bone dust to connect with your ancestors. You need sincerity, respect, and clarity. Romanticized ancestor work turns it into costume theater. Real ancestor work is sometimes ugly, awkward, grief-filled, and raw.

You might light a candle. You might write a letter. You might cry in your kitchen while unpacking inherited rage. It’s all ritual. It doesn’t have to look like the movies. It just has to be real. Keep it honest. Keep it yours.

Ritual is how we connect. Offerings are how we honor. But consent? Consent is how we keep it ethical, safe, and sovereign.

 “You don’t summon your ancestors, you invite them.”

Ritual Isn’t About Perfection
There’s no one right way to do ancestor work. You don’t need an elaborate altar or a thousand-dollar lineage DNA test. You need sincerity, respect, and consistency.

Rituals can be simple:
- Lighting a candle and speaking their names
- Pouring a libation and offering gratitude
- Creating a quiet space to listen, not just talk

Offerings can be practical:
- Food they loved
- Art or poetry made in their honor
- Acts of service or healing done in their name

But the key to all of it is relationship—and relationships require consent.

Spiritual Boundaries Are Essential
Just because someone’s in your bloodline doesn’t mean they get access to your energy. You wouldn’t leave your front door wide open to every family member, right? Your spiritual space deserves the same discernment.

Not all ancestors are safe. Some are still healing. Some were harmful. You get to say who you engage with and under what terms.

Try This:
- State clearly before any ritual: “I welcome only the well, wise, and healed ancestors.”
- End each session with gratitude and a firm energetic closing: “This ritual is complete.”
- Keep spiritual hygiene practices like smoke cleansing, grounding, or warding after ritual work

Ancestor work with integrity means doing it from love, not obligation—from choice, not guilt.

It’s not about doing it “right.” It’s about doing it honestly.

Coming next: **You Don’t Have to Love Them—What Learning from Ancestors Really Means**

Ancestor Work Series #4 - Breaking Cycles, Not Bonds—Healing Without Erasure

 

Let’s talk about one of the biggest fears in ancestor work: that healing yourself means turning your back on your people.

Here’s the truth, it doesn’t. Healing a pattern doesn’t dishonor your lineage. It honors your ability to evolve it. You are the result of your lineage and the response to it.

You didn’t choose the story you were born into. But you *do* choose what you do with it. When you do ancestor work, you’re not just connecting with the past. You’re offering something back. Healing. Change. Continuity. Choice. You carry the strength of survivors—and the responsibility of a cycle breaker.

This is reclamation. Not romanticism. Be the response that rewrites the story.

“Breaking cycles is how we keep the best of what came before us and leave the rest.”

Every family carries cycles. Addiction. Shame. Silence. Rage. Self-sacrifice. Secrets. You didn’t start them, but you’ve felt their weight. And part of your role as the cycle-breaker is learning to hold compassion for what they were trying to survive without letting that excuse the harm.

You’re Not Here to Repeat the Story
You’re here to change it.

You get to say, “This stops with me,” without cutting off the connection to your roots. Because you’re not rejecting your ancestors, you’re refusing to carry the parts that never belonged to you in the first place.

And let’s be honest, some of them *want* you to break it. The ones who never got free, who never had a choice, who lived and died under the weight of silence? You are their voice now.

Healing Doesn’t Require Forgetting
You don’t need to erase anyone. You need to acknowledge what was and choose what will be. That’s not disloyal. That’s legacy work.

Try This:
- Write a letter to an ancestor whose pattern you’re breaking. Tell them what you’re choosing instead.
- Create a ritual to release inherited burdens: burn something symbolic, bury it, or offer it to the earth
- Speak the truth aloud: “I carry your love, not your pain. I break this cycle with honor.”

Breaking cycles isn’t betrayal. It’s devotion. Devotion to healing, to truth, and to the future generations who will thank you for the clean slate.

Coming next: **Ritual, Offerings, and Consent—Doing Ancestor Work with Integrity**

Ancestor Work Series #3 - The Wise Ones and the Wounded—Meeting the Full Lineage

 

Let’s be honest, some of your ancestors were powerful wisdom keepers, survivors, innovators and teachers. And some were deeply wounded humans who passed that pain forward.

Ancestor work means being willing to sit with all of it. Not just the shiny, mystic priestesses or the legendary war heroes—but also the abusers, the cowards, the ones who harmed, and the ones who hid.

“To work with your lineage is to work with truth. And truth doesn’t always come dressed in light.”

You Inherit Both
You don’t get to pick and choose which ancestors influenced you. Even if you never knew them, their stories, beliefs, and survival patterns live in your cells. Some of those patterns are brilliant. Others are toxic. Both matter.

Shadow work meets ancestor work right here—when you decide to hold both the wise and the wounded without romanticizing or demonizing either.

Acknowledgment Isn’t Endorsement
Working with a difficult ancestor doesn’t mean you condone their actions. It means you’re willing to understand the impact they had—on your family, your psyche, your patterns. That clarity helps you shift what you’ve inherited unconsciously into something intentional.

Some ancestors are not safe to engage directly. That’s okay. You don’t have to open your altar to everyone in your bloodline. Consent, boundaries, and spiritual sovereignty still apply.

Keep in mind, you’re not limited to your genetic ancestry.  Bloodline is one path, but spirit, culture, teachers, and chosen connections shape your lineage too. There are ancestors of the heart. Ancestors of craft. Ancestors whose stories live in your soul even if your DNA never met theirs.

This matters especially if your bloodline is painful or unknown. You still have the right to honor and be held by the ancestral field.

Ancestor work is expansive, not exclusive. Claim the ones who call you into integrity, not just biology. And learn from those who were damaged and damaging. People are not born broken (usually), and there is almost always an origin story behind the behavior and bad acts. If you are called to do so, this is an opportunity to heal those legends, especially for your own growth and wisdom. This work is not to be taken lightly, and must be considered with care, but you see where I’m going with this.  There is additional insight and revelation that adds to your own integrity and library of insight.

Try This:
- Write a list of known family traits or stories—mark which feel empowering vs. which feel harmful
- Light a candle for the “wise and well” ancestors only—state clearly who is welcome
- Use divination to ask: “What ancestral pattern is most ready to be healed right now?”

Your lineage isn’t one story—it’s a whole anthology. And your role? You’re the editor. You decide what continues.

Coming next: **Breaking Cycles, Not Bonds—Healing Without Erasure**

Ancestor Work Series #2 - Lineage as a Library—Why Your Ancestors Are More Than DNA

 

Your lineage isn’t just a family tree—it’s a library.

Each ancestor, known or unknown, is a volume in that archive. Some are well-worn and frequently referenced. Others are locked behind trauma, secrecy, or time. But every single one holds a story, a pattern, a skill, or a lesson that got passed down—whether you’re aware of it or not.

Not every ancestor deserves a candle on your altar. Let's just put that out there. Spiritual bypassing says you must honor your lineage, no matter what. Real ancestor work says: “You get to choose who you invite into sacred space.”

You can acknowledge harm without glorifying it. You can say, “I acknowledge this trauma, but I don’t carry your legacy.” That is sacred boundary work. That is shadow work in action.

Your altar isn’t a family reunion. It’s a council. Choose who sits at that table wisely. Some ancestors offer wisdom. Others offer warnings. Both have value. But only some get your trust.

“Ancestor work isn’t about worship. It’s about relationship. And relationship starts with listening.”

DNA tests and genealogy charts are tools, but they’re not the point. Ancestor work is less about names and dates and more about resonance. It’s the sensation that certain challenges, gifts, or quirks didn’t start with you. You inherited them—and you get to decide how to carry them.

The Library Metaphor
- Some ancestors are the wise volumes full of resilience and tradition.
- Others are the censored texts—forgotten, denied, or distorted.
- Some are overdue books carrying unresolved pain or debt.
- And some? They’re sources of ancestral genius waiting to be re-read.

Lineage as a library reminds you that you don’t just come from pain. You come from power, creativity, sacred knowledge, and survival. Even if you don’t know their names, that wisdom is still coded into your being.

Reclaiming Forgotten Pages
Many of us come from fractured lines—due to colonization, displacement, assimilation, or generational trauma. Ancestor work doesn’t demand perfect knowledge. It invites reverent curiosity. When you begin listening—through dreams, divination, intuition—you start recovering what was never really lost.

Try This:
- Light a candle and ask: “Which gifts have traveled through me from my ancestors?”
- Reflect on a repeating family pattern. Is it a wound—or a wisdom you’re misreading?
- Keep an “ancestral notebook” where you record dreams, insights, or synchronicities that feel like messages

You don’t need a complete library card to begin reading your lineage. Just a willingness to sit with what rises and let the stories reveal themselves.

Coming next: **The Wise Ones and the Wounded—Meeting the Full Lineage**

Ancestor Work Series #1 - What is Ancestor Work

 

Let’s get something straight: ancestor work isn’t cosplay, and it’s not about putting your racist great-uncle on a pedestal OR carrying guilt for what he did and said.

It’s a sacred practice rooted in connection with history, with blood, with spirit, and with the wisdom encoded in your DNA. Ancestor work is a way of tapping into the massive archive of experience that came before you, so you can carry forward what’s useful, break what’s harmful, and heal what’s still echoing in your bones.

“You’re not the beginning, you’re the continuation.”

So What *Is* Ancestor Work?
At its core, it’s a relationship. You build it like any relationship: with curiosity, respect, boundaries, and time. You’re connecting with those who came before you, biological or spiritual and acknowledging the impact they still have on your life, consciously or unconsciously.

This isn’t about idealizing your lineage. It’s about meeting it with open eyes. Some ancestors are wise and benevolent. Some were hurt. Some were harmful. Ancestor work doesn’t ask you to gloss over that. It asks you to face it, honor what’s true, and discern what legacy you’re carrying by choice or default.

What Ancestor Work Isn’t:
- It’s not pretending everyone in your family tree was a saint
- It’s not bypassing your own healing by praying to the past
- It’s not about spiritual nationalism or purity myths
- It’s not performative ritual without actual connection

Why It Matters
You carry their stories. In your body. In your patterns. In your dreams. Ignoring that doesn’t erase the influence it just keeps it unconscious. When you engage with your lineage, you unlock access to resilience, creativity, strength, survival, and wisdom you didn’t know you had.

It’s not just healing backward. It’s healing in every direction.

Try This:
- Light a candle and say your ancestors’ names (if known). If you don’t know them, speak to “the well and wise ones” of your line.
- Ask yourself: “What unspoken patterns run through my family, and what ends with me?”
- Keep a journal of dreams, synchronicities, or intuitive hits that feel ancestral

This is the beginning of a powerful relationship. And like all real relationships, it requires presence, respect, and your whole, honest self.

Coming next: **Lineage as a Library—Why Your Ancestors Are More Than DNA**

Shadow Work Series #9 - When Your Shadow Sabotages Everything Good—Overcoming Self-Sabotage

 

Let’s cut to the chase: your shadow will sabotage your progress if it believes success isn’t safe. Boy, do I know this one well.

You’re not lazy. You’re not broken. You’re not incapable. You’re afraid and your shadow is trying to protect you the only way it knows how: by pulling the emergency brake every time things start going well.

“Self-sabotage is your shadow’s love language. It’s a messed-up form of self-protection.”

Most of the time, self-sabotage isn’t a conscious choice. It’s a reflex. It’s the quiet part of you that still believes:
- Good things don’t last
- Success makes you a target
- If you shine, you’ll be abandoned
- You don’t deserve ease or joy

And until you bring that shadow belief into the light, you’ll keep burning down the things you say you want.

Common Forms of Self-Sabotage:
- Procrastinating until the opportunity passes
- Picking fights when things are going well
- Undercharging or undervaluing your work
- Ghosting your goals the minute they get real

The shadow doesn’t want you to suffer, it wants you to *survive.* But it’s working off an outdated script, and it needs you to rewrite it.

This Isn’t About Forcing Yourself to Perform
Self-sabotage doesn’t heal through pressure. It heals through compassion and clarity. You don’t just push harder. You pause. You listen. You ask: *What part of me thinks this is dangerous?*

Then you show that part you’ve got new tools now.

Try This:
- List 3 things you’ve been avoiding and write down the fear underneath
- When you catch yourself sabotaging, say: “This is a protection reflex, not a failure”
- Visualize your shadow self and ask it: “What are you afraid will happen if I succeed?”

Shadow work gives your inner saboteur a new role. Not as your jailer but as your informant. Every time it acts out, it’s pointing to a part of you that’s still stuck in survival mode.

You’re not here to dim your light to feel safe. You’re here to build safety strong enough to hold your light.

Last, but not least, remember that this takes time, repetition and consistency. Show yourself the Compassion you show others. Even more, actually. When you find the work to be two steps forward and one step back, put on some good music and dance. You got this.

And that’s the work.

Thank you for reading this far.  If any part of this series resonates with you, feel free to share and leave a comment.  I would love to hear your thoughts, your stories and your questions.

Cheers,

Raven

Shadow Work Series #8 - Reparenting Isn’t Coddling—What Inner Child Work Really Means

 

Inner child work isn’t about regression. It’s about repair.

When people hear “inner child,” they often picture some woo-woo concept where you’re supposed to hug a pillow and cry about your past for hours. And sure, that can be part of it. But real inner child work is about reparenting the parts of you that never got what they needed so they stop running the show from the shadows.

“You’re not healing to become the child again. You’re healing to become the adult that child needed.”

We all carry internalized messages from childhood about safety, love, worthiness, and power. And unless you’ve made those messages conscious, they’re still shaping your reactions, decisions, relationships, and self-concept.

Signs Your Inner Child Is in the Driver’s Seat:
- You overreact to rejection or abandonment
- You sabotage intimacy when it feels too close
- You crave constant reassurance or external validation
- You people-please like it’s a survival tactic (because it was)

This isn’t immaturity. This is unhealed pain looking for a home. And it’s your job to create that home now, not just for your past self, but for your present and future. And here’s the unpopular part: If you recognize these traumas, it’s because even as a child you knew this was not right. You knew, and know, there is a correct way. And it is your responsibility as a grown-ass adult to be the change. If it’s still happening, set boundaries. If it’s not, recognize and acknowledge that it’s in the past, take the lesson from it and use it. Enforce your own healthy boundaries, take time to understand others’ limits and know that you are able to be the safe space for others that you would have needed.

Reparenting Isn’t About Blame, It’s About Responsibility
You may have been failed, ignored, or mistreated. That matters. But shadow work doesn’t stop at pointing fingers. It asks: *Now what?*

Now you become the one who listens to that inner voice. Who sets structure. Who provides safety. Who shows up with consistency.

What Inner Child Work Looks Like:
- Identifying core wounds (abandonment, neglect, shame, fear)
- Creating rituals of care, not just coping
- Saying the words you needed to hear back then—out loud, often
- Stopping the self-talk that mimics your old bullies

Try This:
- Write a letter to your younger self, then respond from your adult self
- When triggered, ask: “What age does this reaction feel like?”
- Start your day with a grounding ritual that says, “I’ve got you now”

Inner child work is some of the deepest shadow work you’ll ever do. It’s not just emotional, it’s neurological. It rewires the places your body still flinches. And it brings back the parts of you that learned to hide just to survive.

Coming next: **When Your Shadow Sabotages Everything Good—The Truth About Self-Sabotage**

Shadow Work Series #7 - Is It a Trigger—Or Are You Just Avoiding Growth?

 

Let’s talk about a spiritual buzzword that’s been abused into uselessness: “triggered.”

Yes, triggers are real. Yes, they matter. But not every uncomfortable feeling is a trauma response. And not every hard truth is a personal attack.

Sometimes it’s not trauma. Sometimes it’s your shadow flaring up because you’re standing too close to the growth you’ve been avoiding.

“A trigger is a wound being touched. Avoidance is a choice to stay wounded.”

Shadow work requires you to get honest about what’s actually unsafe and what just feels unfamiliar. If you label every confrontation, correction, or call-out as “harmful,” you cut yourself off from transformation.

How to Tell the Difference:
- A **trigger** pulls you into the past. You feel flooded, reactive, or dissociated.
- **Avoidance** happens when your ego hijacks discomfort to protect your comfort zone.
- A trigger makes you feel unsafe. Avoidance makes you feel inconvenienced.

Your nervous system knows the difference, but only if you’re willing to listen instead of react.

Common Avoidance Phrases in Disguise:
- “This doesn’t resonate with me” (but it actually poked something real)
- “I’m protecting my peace” (by ghosting accountability)
- “This feels toxic” (translation: “This made me uncomfortable”)

There’s nothing wrong with boundaries. But when your boundaries are just fear in a prettier outfit, they’re not helping you grow, they’re helping you hide.

Try This:
- When something sets you off, pause and breathe. Ask: “Is this touching a wound or is this stretching me?”
- Journal about a time you claimed something was “too much”, was it too much, or just too real?
- Talk to a grounded friend or therapist when you’re unsure. Mirrors help.

Your triggers deserve care. Your growth deserves challenge. And your healing requires you to tell the truth even (especially) when that truth is, “I’ve been dodging this.”

Coming next: **Reparenting Isn’t Coddling—What Inner Child Work Really Means**

Shadow Work Series #6 - Ego Is the GPS—Not the Driver

 

Let’s clear something up: your ego isn’t the enemy.

The ego gets a bad rap in spiritual spaces. People act like it's some evil twin you have to silence or “kill off” to become enlightened. But here’s the truth—your ego isn’t bad. It’s just not supposed to be driving the damn car.

Your ego, at its core is simply the outline of who you are as an individual being in a universe of countless other beings, all connected on an energetic, societal, cultural and familial level, but still separate. It was built to illustrate both your similarities with others and your differences and what you bring to the story. Not everyone has the same role. It was also built to keep you safe, to define boundaries. But safe isn’t always aligned. And it’s definitely not always true.

Your ego is the internal GPS programmed by your past experiences, traumas, and social conditioning. It tells you how to survive, how to avoid rejection, how to stay comfortable. But left unchecked, it’ll reroute you away from every opportunity that feels unfamiliar—even when unfamiliar is exactly what your growth needs.

What Ego-Driven Behavior Looks Like:
- You hear feedback and instantly feel attacked
- You ghost situations that feel too vulnerable
- You need to be right, even when it costs connection
- You filter your truth through “how will this look?”

The ego is loud. It’s reactive. It wants certainty and control. And that’s not a moral failure, that’s how it learned to protect you. But shadow work asks: *Is this reaction aligned with who I am now, or is it just an old defense system barking orders?*

What It Means to Let Soul Take the Wheel:
- You pause before reacting
- You get curious instead of defensive
- You make choices from alignment, not fear
- You allow discomfort in service of growth

Your ego might still yell “Danger!” every time you try to level up. But your job is to say, “Thanks for the input—but I’ve got this now.”

Try This:
- When you feel triggered, ask: “Is this my ego trying to protect an old identity?”
- Give your ego a name or character. Talk to it like a well-meaning but outdated security guard
- Practice making one small choice this week that your ego would normally block

You don’t need to silence your ego. You just need to stop letting it dictate the route. Soul knows the destination. Ego can read the map, but it doesn’t get to steer.

Coming next: **Is It a Trigger—Or Are You Just Avoiding Growth?**

Shadow Work Series #5 - This Isn’t a Solo Journey — Why Community Matters in Shadow Work

 

Shadow work is personal, sure. But it was never meant to be solitary.

Yes, your healing is your responsibility. Yes, the inner work can feel deeply individual. But if you try to do it all in a vacuum, you’ll miss one of the most healing, grounding, reality-checking tools available to you: community.

“You don’t fully see your shadow until it’s reflected back to you in relationship.”

The Myth of the Lone Wolf Healer
There’s a romanticized image of the lone mystic, burning sage in the forest, unraveling their soul in silence. It’s powerful. It’s poetic. But it’s also half the truth. Shadow work doesn’t stop at self-reflection—it continues in how you relate to others.

You can journal and meditate all you want, but your biggest growth moments often come when someone else pushes your buttons, calls you out, or simply mirrors your old patterns back to you.

Community Doesn’t Mean Codependency
This isn’t about relying on others to validate you or do the work for you. It’s about being witnessed. Held. Sometimes challenged. It’s about not disappearing into your own mental maze.

Being in community gives your growth edges. It makes your healing real, not hypothetical. It also reminds you that you’re not the only one unpacking messy stuff—which is incredibly freeing.

What Supportive Community Can Look Like:
- Safe, grounded spaces where honesty and accountability are welcome
- Friends or mentors who support your healing without rescuing you
- Groups that normalize the discomfort of growth, not just the highs
- People who remind you who you are when you forget

In a future post (and podcast episode) I will share some of my own experiences with a wonderful community of heart-centered ladies I have had the pleasure to know and spend time with. A random conversation in a lovely shop in CT led to friendships, sharing of talents, dreams, laughs and support. We do not do each others’ work; we hold space for one another, encourage and support each other and there is no shortage of rolled eyes, sarcastic comments and smartassery. Because these are real friendships, not masks to impress or fit in. That is community. So now some steps to consider:

Try This:
- Reach out to someone you trust and share a shadow you’ve been working through
- Join a group or circle where people are doing inner work too (with discernment)
- Ask someone close to you: “What’s a pattern you’ve noticed in me I might not see?”

You weren’t meant to do this alone. Your shadow will convince you otherwise—because isolation protects it. But community? That’s where the light gets in.

Coming next: **Ego is the GPS, not the driver**

Shadow Work Series #4 - Integration Isn’t a Glow-Up. It’s a Reckoning.

 

There’s this myth floating around that doing your shadow work leads to some shiny transformation moment where you suddenly radiate peace, your skin clears, and you start speaking in affirmations and lighting ethically sourced incense.

Nope.

Integration is not a glow-up. It’s a reckoning.

“You don’t become your highest self by skipping over your mess. You get there by sitting in it, owning it, and making different choices.”

Integration means taking the insights from your shadow work and applying them in real life. It’s not just realizing you people-please to avoid conflict, it’s actively learning to disappoint others so you can stop abandoning yourself. That’s not cute. That’s gritty, awkward, and often lonely.

What Integration *Really* Looks Like:
- Telling someone “no” and then sitting with the guilt instead of fixing it
- Not reacting immediately when triggered. It’s pausing, breathing, checking in
- Admitting you messed up without spiraling into shame
- Choosing a different response even when the old one would feel better short-term

This is where healing gets honest. It’s where spiritual theory meets emotional maturity.

It’s also where you lose the illusion of being “done.”

You Don’t Graduate from Shadow Work
People love the reveal. They love the rebrand. But real integration is private. It’s slow. It’s made up of small, unsexy choices that accumulate over time. You don’t need anyone’s applause. You just need your own consistency.

This isn’t about perfection. It’s about congruence. Do your actions match your insights? Does your self-awareness actually shape your behavior?

If not, you’re just collecting insight without embodiment.

Try This:
- Pick one pattern you’ve been aware of but haven’t changed. Make a plan to interrupt it this week.
- When you feel yourself slipping into an old story, say out loud: “That’s the old me trying to run the show.”
- Ask yourself daily: “What would alignment look like right now?”

Integration is where you decide that knowing better means doing better. It’s not flashy. But it’s the foundation of everything authentic.

Coming next: **This Isn’t a Solo Journey—Why Community Matters in Shadow Work**

Shadow Work Series #3 - What Are You Projecting Onto Everyone Else?

 

Here’s the uncomfortable truth about shadow work: a lot of what you can’t stand in others is actually unresolved stuff in *you*.

Projection isn’t just a psychological term. It’s one of the loudest red flags your shadow can wave. That over-the-top judgment you feel toward someone? That disproportionate reaction? That random person who makes your skin crawl for no logical reason? Chances are, you’re looking into a mirror.

“If it’s hysterical, it’s probably historical.”

Shadow work means you stop assuming everyone else is the problem. It means you ask, “What part of me is being poked right now?” instead of immediately writing someone off as toxic, narcissistic, or annoying.

Common Signs of Projection:
- You feel deeply triggered by someone’s behavior, but can’t explain why
- You judge people for traits you secretly suppress in yourself
- You blame others for outcomes you quietly fear are your fault
- You villainize someone without really knowing them

We all do it. But once you *see* it, you’re responsible for what you do with it.

Why Projection Happens:
Your shadow is full of parts of you that were once unsafe to express. So instead of acknowledging them, you cast them out and pretend they belong to other people. It's a defense mechanism. It helps you avoid discomfort, but it also keeps you disconnected from your truth.

When you own your projections, you take back your power. You stop playing the victim in your own story. You start healing the source instead of attacking the symptoms.

Try This:
- The next time someone irritates you, ask: “What does this say about me?”
- Reflect on a quality you harshly judge. Then ask yourself: “Where do I carry this too?”
- When you feel yourself spiraling about someone’s behavior, pause. What wound might be echoing?

Be discerning. One of the hardest parts of Shadow Work is telling the difference between three basic reasons for your negative reactions. First, Projection where we recognize or own behavior in another. Second, Reaction where we recognize behaviors that caused our initial trauma and shadowing, and third is Invasion, recognizing someone attempting to violate our own boundaries and that need to enforce them. This third one is tricky (as if all of this isn’t). Setting healthy boundaries is a huge step in healing. At first there is that urge to defend them. Further on in healing, it is less necessary to defend and becomes second nature to trust that they will stand. This is the stage where the behavior of others is either no longer triggering, or evokes a detached sense of compassion, if warranted.

Shadow work isn’t about turning every experience inward until you’re stuck in self-blame. It’s about getting curious. Projections are invitations. If you answer them, they’ll show you where your next level of healing is hiding.

Coming next: **Integration Isn’t a Glow-Up. It’s a Reckoning.**