Real Talk #10 - You Don’t Have to Be the Bigger Person—You Just Have to Be the Boundaried One

 

When we’re told to “be the bigger person,” it often feels like a badge of honor, but beneath the surface, it can be a recipe for resentment and self-abandonment. The expectation is that we’ll swallow our feelings, forgive without genuine healing, and maintain peace at our own expense. But what if being “boundaried” is actually the bravest and most compassionate thing we can do, both for ourselves and for others?

Setting boundaries isn’t about being harsh or unforgiving. It’s about honoring our own needs, speaking up when something doesn’t sit right, and refusing to let politeness override authenticity. Instead of prioritizing performative forgiveness which can leave us feeling depleted and misunderstood we can choose sovereignty, clarity, and self-respect. This shift allows us to move from just surviving difficult interactions to truly thriving, as we learn to protect our emotional well-being without guilt.

Growth doesn’t mean tolerating mistreatment or constantly making excuses for others. It means recognizing when our softness is being exploited and understanding that spiritual maturity includes standing up for ourselves. By reframing the narrative, we swap the pressure to appear emotionally superior for the freedom to be honest and direct. In doing so, we model healthy relationships and invite real healing, not just surface-level harmony.

Ask yourself: where are you choosing to be silent rather than honest? What boundaries are you shrinking to keep the peace, and how might your life change if you chose clarity over comfort? The truth is, choosing boundaries over being the “bigger person” isn’t selfish, it’s essential. When we stop chasing politeness and start embracing truth, we find that real connection and healing are finally possible.

You don’t have to out-kind someone who disrespected you. You don’t have to prove your emotional maturity by staying silent. You don’t need to perform peace.

You just need boundaries.

Being the boundaried person means: I can care about myself enough to walk away. I can protect my peace without justifying it. I can speak the truth even if it makes you uncomfortable.

That’s power. That’s presence. That’s healing.

You’re not here to be a martyr. You’re here to be real.