Here’s a gut check.
If your sense of worth depends on whether you’re fixing, guiding, or
emotionally rescuing someone, you’re not just helping. You’re hooked. That’s
not healing—that’s self-validation through codependency.
There’s a difference between answering a call to serve and using healing as a
way to matter. One is grounded. The other is compulsive.
This is especially tricky in spiritual and coaching spaces. We get praised for
helping. We’re told we’re “natural healers,” “old souls,” “lightworkers.” But
if we aren’t careful, that praise becomes a trap. We start defining ourselves
by how much we’re needed.
The wound? That belief that unless you’re useful, you’re worthless.
That’s not a spiritual calling. That’s a survival strategy.
Here’s the real work:
- Can you feel valuable when no one is leaning on you?
- Can you sit with someone’s pain without rushing to fix it?
- Can you let people struggle without making it about your failure?
Being a healer is not about saving people. It’s about creating space for them
to choose their own healing. And sometimes, that means stepping back, not
forward.
You are not your usefulness. You are not your clients’ progress. You are not
your partner’s emotional crutch. You are allowed to just be.
If your identity is tangled up in always being the strong one, the wise one,
the helper, it might be time to ask: Who am I without the role?
Because that’s where your real healing begins.
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